2016-07-27

Most of the time, it's a fact that we ourselves make us feel miserable. Although we should not be too proud of ourselves but we also cannot look down at ourselves. How to know that we look at ourselves fairly and just? How should we measure it correctly? This is really a tough question.

There are so many things we may learn in our lives. Old philosophy will be replaced with a new one. Anyway, there are some principles that we must hold on whatsoever. In fact, when people know about our mental health condition, we will definitely be viewed differently. Most often, people lie to us that they will judge us as others but they will never do so. It is some sort of a white lie which they prefer just to make us feel better. At the beginning, we would trust them naively, but sooner and later, we would realise that they could never ever look at us the same way as they look at other people.

However, so what? So what we are different? So what that our senses are much stronger than the majority? It's really doesn't matter. Actually, it's really doesn't matter. How others look at us is definitely cannot be more important than how we look at ourselves. Instead of thinking how other might look at us, how about think for a moment how you look at yourself? Good? Bad?

Do you accept your incompleteness? Do you accept yourself? No one is perfect, so why we cannot accept ourselves? Blame. Blame who? Even if you know who to blame but you will never fix it. The actual root cause? No one knows. So why waste your times in looking for the actual root cause? 

It took for years for me to accept my mental health condition. In brief, it's worthless that your love ones provide you all the loves and cares but you yourself rejecting every thing.    

2016-07-20

是的，一般人都有很多的怨言，更何况是有精神问题的我们。世界充斥着许多悲哀的信息，非常难得才可以看到窝心的信息。很多人都生活在水深火热的状况底下，若跟他们比较的话，我们肯定幸运许多。

一颗懂得感恩的心。这是一个不容易塑造的品德。懂得感恩就懂得从不同的眼光来看世界。习惯埋怨的人会回应，粪是臭的，无论怎么调整自己的思维。不好意思，他确实用‘粪’来说明他的道理。看起来好像如此，不好的东西怎么看都是不好的。目前人人提倡有机，有许多蔬菜鲜果，只要贴上有机的标签，价钱肯定比较昂贵，但有能力的人还是会选购有机的蔬菜鲜果。最原始种植这些有机的蔬菜鲜果，应该是用粪便吧。所以粪便并非一无是处，若没有粪便，怎么能种出这些有机的蔬菜鲜果呢？

可是当然不能秉持什么所谓的正能量思想。电能产生，需要正与负能量。正能量有它的好处，负能量也有它的好处。过分正面或过分负面都会带来祸患，但若能抱着对的态度（感恩的心）去面对世界，可以安然面对顺境和逆境。遇到悲哀的事会哭泣；遇到滑稽的事会大笑。这些都是自然的事，如果遭遇患难还大声笑，那么精神方面明显出了问题。

今天想说的是，只要怀着一颗感恩的心面对世界，我们会流泪悲伤，但内在依然拥有盼望继续生活下去。凡事感恩，凡事感谢，无论是逆境或顺境，生活可以好好过下去。

2016-07-14

Who will listen to me? I wonder. It seems like this is the main objective for me to study a PhD course, so that when I have the title of 'Dr.', people will listen to me and respect me. This is definitely not a good intention. 

What's the point? People have their freedom to choose whatever they want to listen. Obviously, people prefer to listen something which is comfortable and sweet to the ears. Action always speaks louder than words. No point to talk a lot but lack of testimonies of life. I'm trying my best to learn a lot, using the method of trial and error to apply all sorts of those theories on myself and see what will be the outcome. I firmly believe that there must be a solution. 

Surely we are the group of people whom hardly get approval or acceptance by the majority. Even there is a song with a line of lyric singing, "Never argue with a crazy mind."  Your family members might love you but they will never believe in you. We speak up our mind but no one really listens and eventually we will become as quiet as a dumb. In fact, no point to speak anymore. If we get too upset and fall into a great argument, we might lose control of our temper and most probably will be forced to admit into a psychiatric ward. 

Thus, it's okay that no one listens to you, it's really fine. The main point is, you have to accept yourself, an imperfect being with a good soul.  

2016-07-05

有份安稳的工作，对于躁郁症病患者很重要。记得我第四次和第五次进入精神病院，无法工作很长的一段时间，真的很想念我的工作。直到终于可以回到工作岗位时，那种兴奋的心情非笔墨所能形容。仿佛小孩子，等到了上学的第一天，嘴角不知觉一直上扬，整个开心的心情按耐不住写在脸上。

对于一般人来说，我的工作很苦闷，因为只是在确保着电话系统能稳当地操作。每天几乎做着同样的东西，日子一天天如印刷机般度过。很多人不喜欢他们的工作，如果可以，他们会想很多理由不去工作，甚至希望偶尔生病，以便请一两天的病假。我已经很久很久没有请病假，不是因为身体太健康。相反的，我同样会生病，会发高烧。曾经有两次，发着高烧还持续工作直到下班回家。

上司们没有因为我的疾病而拒绝雇佣我，他们还很欣赏我的工作态度，希望其他的员工都可以像我这样工作。通常这个职业须要二十四小时守候，但我不必要这么做，只须要在工作时间把工作做好即可。没有要求升职，也没有要求高薪，只要这一份稳当的工作，让我好好地工作，已经心满意足。

不可以看轻自己，即使只是份不起眼的职业，也要有责任感把工作做好。我不敢自夸，只想做好自己能力范围里能做好的事。