2019-10-09


No one likes to accept that they are having mental illness. It's really easy for us to accept other theories. What if, we are having something else, anything is OK as long as it's not mental illness. Yes, I truly wish the whole incident was a misdiagnosed only.


Unfortunately, it's pretty hard for me to be misdiagnosed. Five times breakdown, obviously it's pretty impossible to get into the category of misdiagnosis. Time is precious, and I'm not young anymore to take whatever possible risks. It was crazily hard to standup again for a single relapse. At the beginning, the medication was so heavy until I had to move like a zombie and couldn't speak properly. I had to tell myself numerous times that I would recover.


Yes, I have to admit that it was hard to take medication faithfully. Every time when I was slightly OK, I would think that I should stop my medication. You may see that I was so stubborn in rejecting my mental status until I could breakdown for 5 times. It was hurt, ridiculously painful and suffering journey to live a normal life again. Hence, I need to take note that I should never stop taking my medication.


Recently, I found out myself might be an empath. Some people say bipolar disorder people's empathetic level is generally low. Some people say some empaths have been misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder. For me, the feeling is too much. Let say, I'm an empath. And then, how to manage? Leaving this busy city, get myself away from people, be in the natural most of the time, having more self time... Yes, rich people can do all these things but I'm just an average income people.


What I wanna say today is, if we can get away from mental illness labeling, we may surely do it. There are so many theories and sayings about this, as an average income people, it's advisable to take medication rather than trying all sorts of different ways. 

2019-10-08


生活确实不容易，要面对的问题也层出不穷。很多时候很想逃亡，因为要面对一切总须要很大的勇气。运动是个很好的心灵陶造的方法，透过运动可以提升病患者的意志力和信心。


小的时候，会羡慕参加马拉松或铁人三赛的选手，根本不曾想象自己可以成为他们的一分子。在机缘巧合之下，遇到某个在这方面的专家。感激他给予我所有的指教，让我有机会参与这些比赛。当时的自己放弃服药，在精力旺盛的状态下发挥得相当不错。


后来面对感情的纠纷，与第二任女友脱离关系后，不幸再次陷入精神崩溃。一次次认为自己有能力不靠药物生活，但是当面对棘手的问题时，无奈一次次地陷入崩溃，所以只好乖乖听话天天按时服药。服药后身体状况不胜以往，体力跟不服药时有了很大的差距。最明显的例子，就是以往骑脚车能紧紧跟随在这专家的身后，但开始服药后就再也无法跟在他身后。


不想放弃，以致自己不断默默操练自己。后来随着这专家参加了铁人三赛、脚车比赛、半马拉松比赛等等。老实说，虽然每项比赛都成功完成，但是成绩都不怎么理想。可是没有关系，最重要的事情，是自己尽了力。在这过程中，可以好好锻炼自己更有自信生活。


只要未曾放弃，不断继续努力，即使结果不完美，但大家都已不知觉身处于缺陷美的状况里。人生的真谛，我个人认为，就是真正的完美并不完美。