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Thursday, February 25, 2021

 2021-02-25

I was talking about stubbornness in the Chinese language session. Actually both languages are solely independent. I never intend to interpret the Chinese messages into English and vice versa. Generally stubbornness is never a good character. However, there is a great character which seems almost like stubbornness but there are not the same. It is --- perseverance. 

Recently, this word is hot due to a machine which is called Perseverance has landed on Mars! For sure, no one would ever name the machine as Stubbornness. Frankly speaking, I did not and might do not understand deeply the meaning of these words. Just googled the main difference for these words and I got: Stubbornness keeps us stuck in an unwanted situation but perseverance makes us moving on although the current state is bad. In brief, stubbornness is bad but perseverance is good. 

Let me give you an example. If I want to put away the labeling 'bipolar disorder' and I go stop taking medication and assume that I'm OK, and I do it again and again and again. This is stubbornness for sure because I put myself in a dangerous situation which I would probably being triggered and breakdown, and this happens again and again. I was really stubborn for doing so because due to this stupidity I have numerous breakdowns. 

How about perseverance? Most of the people never experience a breakdown and they have no idea how difficult it is to recover from it. While I was in a psychiatric ward due to a breakdown, I couldn't have a clear mind at once. It was like in a great maze in my mind, and I was trying hard to walk out of the maze. Day by day, I got closer and closer to the exit. I knew I could never ever give up. When I escaped from the maze, I got back my sanity and I knew where I was. After that, I would be discharged from the ward. The character to keep searching for the exit is called perseverance. 

My friends especially those who have bipolar, we must have perseverance to go on. Life would be great, so please do not quit easily.  

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

 2021-02-24

一月四日动了左大腿骨断裂的手术后,至今已有七个多星期。目前不再须要拐杖步行,但走起来却显得蹒跚怪异。因为这场意外,吃了很多很多的苦头。那刻骨铭心的痛,是永远都无法忘记的。

在电视剧里,看到精神病患发病的剧情,总在心里带来很大冲击,犹如涟漪般向周围大大扩散出去。有些演员演得太真实,让我不禁怀疑那演员是否真的有精神问题。说实话,身为精神病患者的我,阅读另一个精神病患者的部落格,确实是非常难受。因为我能深深体会患者的痛,仿佛那场意外所带给我身体上的剧痛一样。看了后,只能感叹:“爱莫能助。”

有很多东西做不到。无法成为光,指引患者坦然从困境里走出来。在生活中,尽量显得乐观积极,希望能带给身旁的人欢乐。当能量微弱时,学习在安静中与自己进行深层的心灵会话。不止精神病患者不敢面对最赤裸的自己,包括一般人都不喜欢这么做,一直用各种方式来麻醉自己。事实是,除了你自己,谁可以更了解自己?勇敢去探索内心的‘禁地’,去了解为何会有如此巨大的反应。

随着年龄渐长,领会有许多事都不必执著。关于这点,一般人面对许多不必要的苦楚,问题来源也是过于执著。说到这里,可以做个结论,精神病患者和一般人在许多事上都近乎没有差别。精神病患要注意的事,一般人也同样需要注意。唯一的差别是,在躁郁症(至今变成了--- 双向情感障碍)里,我个人觉得,一切的感应都放大了许多。这样可以解释,为什么开心的时候会比一般人更加兴奋,而伤心的时候又比一般人更加沮丧,加上生气时会比一般人更加狂烈!

重点是,不要执著,因为是与非并非重点。即使有能力把对方辩倒,让对方哑口无言,可是对方无论如何都不会因此屈服,但所造成的感情破裂是不必要的。竟知之,何为之?