"6th May 2016"
I have to read again my previous post on 22nd April 2016 to continue writing this post. Due to the long lasting depression state, it has deteriorated my immune system and I'm having flu right now while writing this post. Once my depression state ends, I'll recover immediately.

Although I've never told the lady from a small town that I have a serious mental illness problem, but under this emotionally painful situation, I have failed to sustain the long distance relationship. I long for freedom but she wants security. She forbade me to talk to other ladies from the single camp, I followed her request. She asked me to forget about the previous lady, I also tried my best to do it. When I was having dinner with one of my best friends, she even forbade me to talk about her and her friends with my friend. I replied her that if she'd never talked about me in front of her friends, then I would do the same. She was angry and told me to do whatever I wanted to do. Thus, I said, the standard that she applies on someone else, then the same standard shall be applied on her herself too. After that, no more message from her anymore.

I really cannot write to her any good and nice things during this moment. If I write something to her under such condition, my message will definitely sound harsh and terrible. Actually this is such a small issue and it's not a big deal. When two people be together, we must learn how to compromise. After I visited her at her hometown, I knew she will never move to my city if she is really serious about our relationship. She's a teacher and she can request to change to another school but she will not do so. When I brought her to my aunt's house, my aunt asked her about whether she would change to another school but she said she preferred to stay at her hometown. When she was teaching somewhere around my city for a year, she traveled back home weekly.

Maybe it's time for me to have a good rest. Whatsoever, I already get used to living by myself. It's good to have a life partner, and it's good to be alone too.