"22nd April 2016"
Am I able to sustain a long distance relationship? It does seems hard. Most probably we may see each other for once a month only. Due to the advance of technology, I may text her whenever I want, and she may does the same thing. However, it feels so far away and quite unreal.

What we like is totally different but this is not an issue. Could we really hold on in this way for a long time? If there is someone who treats her nice and the guy may always be with her, is it better that I advise her to be with him? Yes, I am thinking too much again but really cannot avoid it because the fact is I have lost my confidence to love someone again.

For other things, whatever you sow, you might most probably get it back. Ridiculously, love is a totally strange thing. It is out of our mind and full of all sorts of uncertainties. One thing I'm sure about it, if I let her know my mental condition just like the way I told the other 2 ladies before her, for sure she'll leave me or most probably we will be friends as normal.

One day she'll leave me for someone else because anyone else can be better than I. So sorry about today post, I'm in depression stage since 26th May till now, this time it lasts for such a long time. Patiently waiting for the dark clouds to go away, patiently waiting for the sunshine to shine into my heart again. It's so warm outside but so cold inside.

My passion about studies still burns wildly inside of me. That is why I can hold on to it in perseverance. It's so similar like the meaning of music to Beethoven. When there is absolutely nothing, there is still something to hold on, there is still a meaning to live. My brain cannot work actively now but I still spend some time to study. It is something precious for me to hold on.