"15th April 2016"
It's really quite a long depression stage since 25th March 2016. Most probably, it will continue for another week. Daily routine can be proceeded as normal, just that I'm carrying a heavy heart with me, easily feeling tired and demotivated.

Obviously I'm lucky to have supervisors from a university who are willing to guide me during weekdays after working hours and on Saturdays. Due to financial issue, I have to carry on my career. As a result, I can only study a PhD course as part time. They provide 50 percent discount for full time students but I really cannot stop working for minimum 2 years. I think, I should like to teach in a university and be a professor if possible. In fact, my aim is to be a researcher in telecommunication field.

No idea whether I can be a good lecturer because the way I think is quite different with other people. Not sure about other bipolar disorder people out there, is it this a common issue for all of us? Is it my condition only lack of a certain kind of hormone in controlling the fluctuation of the mood or something more? My ex lecturer who has the same problem as I, when he taught students, most of the students could not understand him but I could. Hence I'm afraid this scenario will be happened if I teach people.

Can't deny that I'm worried that I might not be able to handle the stress. If I come to a point that I will breakdown again due to a massive stress in studying, then I really have to give it up. Of course I will surely try my best. Another better option is, I can stop for a while due to my poor mental condition and proceed my study again once I'm okay.