"4th March 2016"
One of my friends sent me an article about 10 kinds of friends which you may just ignore them straight away. I read the article twice and found it was really interesting. Most probably, people may read it in the way to think about any of their friends belong to any of the kinds. In contrast, I read it in the way to analyse whether I have been categorised to any of the kinds. As a result, I have realised that I might fall into the drama king type. If possible, I do want to know why people chose to stay away from me. Is it because of this?

For your information, I live in a city. People in the city are usually busy in nature either they are truly busy or they act to be busy. As if a successful life equals to a busy lifestyle. They love to pact their time full of activities until they have not much time being left for themselves. Generally, no one dares to say to other people that he or she is free. If he or she says so, straight away, other people would think that the person is lazy, unproductive, or simply unsuccessful. From my point of view, those people are enjoying to be busy and proud to be crazily busy. Sometimes they may grumble about their busy life but they never change their lifestyle. In fact, they are not willing to do so.

Anyway, my point of view would be rejected straight away by almost everyone in the city. For the conversation in a Whatsapp group, sometimes I do voice up my opinion but no one agrees with me. Not a single one. Due to the mental illness, unofficially, I have been kicked out off the main stream, being judged as disqualified to fight with the majority. What I say has lost the power to convince anyone and no one would be willing to listen to me once they know I have mental illness. Subsequently, I become so free compared with the rest of them. The reason is simple, my superior will never let me handle all the important tasks (high responsibility tasks) and no one will ask for my consultation in dealing with their problems.

What's the point for today post? I do not want to be rejected and I do not intend to reject anyone. People reject me because of their own reasons but once they have decided to do so, I have to let them go. If you think that I have rejected you, please forgive me for doing so. The mood in me may grow so intense until it has the strength to tear apart my soul into pieces. I have tried to overcome this again and again but so far I have failed to deal with it. There must be a way, and I'm trying to look for it with all my best.

Whatsoever, I have to end this post with these few sentences. It's already a great testimony for me to keep staying alive. It's already an amazing thing that I can have a normal, healthy and active lifestyle. Action always speaks louder than words, and I will prove all my ideologies with my own life. I might be wrong, so I am still learning and looking for solutions. We need someone to be a torchlight for the mental illness people. I yearn someone comes to lead me but so far no one with himself suffering mental illness can proudly say, "Come, follow me, I have been through all these pains and I know how to deal with it." If there is no one like this, let me be a torchlight.