2022-03-17

由于工作不怎么繁重，还可以兼读硕士课程。第一学期的成绩算是考得挺不错， 所以在这即将开始的第二学期，会比第一学期多读一门课。盼望自己依然可以考得好成绩。

有个猎人头，向我推荐一份更好的工作：薪金比目前的工作高许多，还有职位也比目前的高几个等级。可是我拒绝了。为什么呢？当精神状态好的时候，肯定可以表现得比一般人优越。不幸的是，精神状况不好的时候，几乎没有办法好好工作。

必需坦白，自己在这时候就处于无法安好工作的状况。这部落格一开起来，脑袋空空的，完全不知道该写什么好。无法等到状况好的时候才写，因为这状况会保持相当冗长的时间。咆哮着为何人类不是北极熊，不像北极熊那样可以冬眠一段日子。如果这状况一来到即可进入冬眠，那么日子就不会过得太难受。

是的，我感到难受。可怕的是，这难受会继续不断笼罩着我，无论去到什么地方，这阴影仍然牢牢困锁。光线总是那么刺眼，急躁的声音语气如刀刺割着我的心，难受的情绪怎么变得如此巨大和沉重。想要躲避，想要隐藏，却不知道能藏在什么地方。

或许人人都会问我，难道精神药物失效了吗？当然不是。幸好服用着药物，不然思绪会极度容易陷入无法控制的亢奋中，完全失丧了理智。是的，我感到不舒服，但幸好理智犹在。周而复始的状况，一定可以挨过去。

2022-03-16

It's good to have your own dairy in writing down your daily mood. This was an advice from one of my psychiatrists. Of course, it was hard to carry on patiently. The main motive is, we may know our trend of moods. 

As for myself, I could notice that twice a year, I have had to endure quite a long-lasting of uncomfortable period. If I did follow the advice, I should have realised all the important dates much earlier. Anyway, what's the point to know all these uncomfortable moments? By knowing so, you may plan your events more carefully. And also, during this moment, you may simply slow down without feeling guilty or uneasy. 

In this fast-paced society, we are used to the lifestyle of keep on rushing. Sometimes, we're in a rush until we do not know why we want to do so. Quite often, we might just want to be part of the society by following the rest. We do not want to be left out, do not want to be left behind. Hence, by having such an uncomfortable moment, it reminds us to be true to ourselves. 

In such a mixed state, I'm sensitive to lights, sounds and feelings. If possible, I want to hide myself in a cave. However, life goes on and I have to do something to survive. Fortunately, my job is not too pressure, and it's not that hectic. I might go get a much better job: higher salary and higher position. The consequence is, I might push myself to the edge by doing so. 

Slow down. I'm glad to slow down. A moment to see the world in a much slower tempo.