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Wednesday, January 26, 2022

2022-01-26

到底要说还是不说?当状况稳定了一段时期,就自然而然要思考一个问题,到底要不要告诉某人自己的精神状况。对于本人的精神科医生,他主张不告诉任何人,因为一旦他人知道后,即会因着他人的偏见而陷入不公平的窘境。

我的精神科医生这么说是有道理的。至于自己本身,公司的高层知道了我的精神状况,从此失去一切升职的机会。身为初级工程师那么多年,到目前为止依然是一个初级工程师。身旁的同事们都有机会升职,但不管我等待多久或多么努力都没有机会。感情方面,遇到一位有机会成为另一半的女子,却在我告诉她自己的精神状况后,毅然决定我们只是朋友。不公平吗?非常不公平!有偏见吗?太明显啦!

可是,难道可以永远不说?每年都要复诊,每天都要服药,甚至钱包里总携带着障友卡。很多精神病患者,最讨厌就是长期服药。每次服药,都似乎不断提醒着自己有病,却怎么样都不可停止服药。去复诊的时候,看到很多比自己严重的精神病患者,不得不想自己跟这些严重的患者是同类,大家都有某种的精神病。那张障友卡呢?虽然拥有这张障友卡,可以有不少福利,但是要向他人展示障友卡时,心里总是不好受。

是的,我正常了,过着正常人的生活。可是我能停止服药吗?可以不再复诊吗?可以不再携带障友卡吗?这张障友卡,弥补了这精神病的困扰。事实是,若没有这精神病,就可以拥有更高的社会阶级,也应该老早结婚生子。不说,难道就没有这样的问题吗?不说,难道在公平的环境下,可以承受沉重的压力而不会崩溃?

个人的结论是,当然不要向任何人说自己的精神状况,但是必需向身旁那些爱与关心你的人述说。如果说了后,他们选择离开,就让他们离开。留下来的,才是真正值得珍惜的人。

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

2022-01-25

Could I self define the meaning of bipolar disorder? I really thought I could do so because I had all the experiences of being a guy with such an issue. I also doubted that the experts for example the psychiatrists, they have all the required knowledge but most of them do not have any experience. 

And then, my mentor reminds me that I'm not qualified to go against the experts by defining my own terms for bipolar disorder. It's because my own judgment has become faulty. First of all, why do I want to define the meaning of bipolar disorder? This is the common mistake for all the people with bipolar instead. While everything becomes good and stable for a long time, we often think that we might be misdiagnosed with such an illness. 

Why I have such a thought? Recently, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. Everything was going well with me, so I maintain the same dosage of my medication. I love asking questions. So, I asked my psychiatrist whether should I inform people about my mental health condition. I used to think that, if it's necessary, then I must inform someone about my mental condition. However, the psychiatrist advises me not to inform anyone if possible. He says, if someone knows about my condition, people might have bias looking at me. He means, in such a way, I would put myself in an unfair situation. 

This is really true! I do not have anymore advancement in my current job due to my managers know my mental health condition. No matter how good I perform, all the other colleagues would be promoted besides me. A lady almost wanted to be my girlfriend but the whole relationship ruined when I told her frankly about my condition. It is clear that the world cannot accept me having such a mental illness. 

Actually how I wanted to define bipolar disorder? An illness which needs long term medication to balance the hormones in the brain so that the mood could fluctuate in an acceptable range.