2020-09-25

Until today, my mental condition has been stabilised for about 3 years after my previous discharged from a psychiatric ward. If this is the first time you read my blog, then you have to know that I have been breakdown for numerous times. To be precise, my mind became insane and back to sanity for 6 times. However, my total stays in a psychiatric ward is far more than 6 times. 

Why so many times? If there is a memoir or biography for a bipolar disorder patient, he or she most probably mentions that he or she stayed in a psychiatric ward once. Undoubtedly, the recovery road is terribly long and tough. Thus, after recovery, they would make sure that they never fall down again. Anyhow, I was stubborn, and actually I'm still pretty stubborn now. I used to believe that I could survive without medication, and I could achieve much better than most of the people. The result? I fell down again and again till I'd realised that I must stop. I've never meant to hurt all the people who love me.  

For some people, they are really obedient. So obedient that it's totally out of my mind for me. For the outside, I look obedient as the rest. But actually, I'm far beyond rebellion inside. I thought I could change the rules, or maybe break all the unnecessary rules. Maybe it seems I'm listening and following all the rules and restrictions for bipolar people, but I'm still looking for ways to overcome all these things. 

Got one thing which I preserve so hard in my heart. I still and always believe that bipolar disorder people can have a good life. There are so many sad stories about us. Even the divorce rate is about 90% for us! Moreover the suicidal rate is 3 out of 4 people! Enough, it's really enough. We can have a beautiful life because our feelings are so intense and deep. We live wholeheartedly and never ever regret about it.