2020-03-09


About twice a year, one time before Christmas and another time before Easter Day, I have to suffer depression state or most probably mixed state for almost a month. I hardly differentiate depression state and mixed state because I cannot say that I'm at a low mood for such a long time. In fact, I'm suffering quite bad emotionally for such a long time.


Interestingly, I can still perform daily routine as if I'm totally OK. Moreover, I can still participate in any sport events for example triathlon and completed it with a better result than last year. Anyway, I'm bleeding inside, bleeding emotionally and mentally. It makes me feeling irritated and uncontrollably easily getting angry and fall into unnecessary quarrels. This is the main reason why I must restrain myself from involving into all the unnecessary social events right now.


Must be really careful not to trigger myself into a chaotic mind. That's why I think most probably I'm experiencing a mixed state now. It's much easier for me to tackle depression and manic states but it's really hard to handle a mixed state. In brief, it's really uncomfortable and I have no idea how to ease the pains.


Be still, be calm. It'll eventually cease. I repeat all the words again and again to myself.