2018-02-16
It's Chinese New Year today, and I went back to my mother's hometown in Johore. It's fun to meet all my relatives because most probably I'd only meet them once a year. Thankfully they no longer ask me when will I get a girlfriend. I'm really getting older and older, so it's okay for me to stay single.
I cannot imagine if my parents pass away, will I come back to Johore once a year again? The fact is I am single but my parents are still by my side. If my parents are no longer by my side, I'll be totally on my own. What will be my life to be all by myself alone? That's why everyone thinks it's better to find a lover. However, if I cannot find a lover? I really don't want to simply grab someone and be my lifelong partner. If I cannot find a partner, I would rather stay alone by myself.
Generally, people cannot accept someone with mental health problems. They will accept them to be their colleagues or neighbours but surely not their close friends or lovers. Maybe there are people accept us but not many. Actually I don't really care about it. If no one wants to accept me, I still want to do something which can contribute to the society.
Friday, February 16, 2018
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
2018-02-14
度过了无数次没有情人的情人节，可是一旦碰到情人节，心里还是会感到不舒服。虽然曾经有两个短暂的恋情，可是都因为太短暂而没有机会庆祝情人节。
去年十月换了药后，情绪都算满稳定的一直到今天。当一切稳定的时候，都会思考很多问题，包括人生的意义。不知道是否要保持单身一辈子，毕竟已习惯没有女朋友在身边。有情人是好事，但没有情人也不算坏事。亲朋戚友们，他们都不再问我为何不要找个女朋友这样的问题。当父母亲不在的时候，我就要一个人好好地生活。
最近一直感觉疲倦，意志也有点消沉。努力着振作起来，却会感到痛苦。只好放轻松去面对，坚持把每天须要完成的事情做好，即使有些许不舒服，也不要选择逃避。这有点不舒服的感觉，怎么逃也逃不了，像个怪兽日夜不断地咬着我的心。
经历太多次的精神崩溃，我不敢再次胡乱停止服药。朋友介绍我一位不错的精神科医生，他允许病患逐渐停止服药，那么我也要去看看他。真的不想吃药吃一辈子，因为任何的精神病药物都有许多的副作用，不想身体因长期服用药物而受损。
度过了无数次没有情人的情人节，可是一旦碰到情人节，心里还是会感到不舒服。虽然曾经有两个短暂的恋情，可是都因为太短暂而没有机会庆祝情人节。
去年十月换了药后，情绪都算满稳定的一直到今天。当一切稳定的时候，都会思考很多问题，包括人生的意义。不知道是否要保持单身一辈子，毕竟已习惯没有女朋友在身边。有情人是好事，但没有情人也不算坏事。亲朋戚友们，他们都不再问我为何不要找个女朋友这样的问题。当父母亲不在的时候，我就要一个人好好地生活。
最近一直感觉疲倦，意志也有点消沉。努力着振作起来，却会感到痛苦。只好放轻松去面对，坚持把每天须要完成的事情做好，即使有些许不舒服，也不要选择逃避。这有点不舒服的感觉，怎么逃也逃不了，像个怪兽日夜不断地咬着我的心。
经历太多次的精神崩溃，我不敢再次胡乱停止服药。朋友介绍我一位不错的精神科医生，他允许病患逐渐停止服药，那么我也要去看看他。真的不想吃药吃一辈子，因为任何的精神病药物都有许多的副作用，不想身体因长期服用药物而受损。
Friday, February 2, 2018
2018-02-02
Just wrote an email to my ex lecturer in the UK. He is the best lecturer in my heart. He asked me to write him emails whenever I want to voice up something. He has so many emails every day, but he would still read and reply my emails.
The medication has caused me to feel tired, and I don't like this kind of fatigue feeling. While feeling tired, I also feel hopeless. It's like, no energy to do whatsoever and wanna close my eyes and sleep. Last time I had dreams to move on and on. Now I want to have some new dreams to motivate myself.
Bipolar disorder has undoubtedly ruined my life. My dreams, relationships, career advancement and others have been demolished by my mental illness. How to have my life back? No wonder the suicidal rate is so high for people who have this mental illness.
Anyhow, this is not the end yet. There must be a way for us. I will keep standing and fight for a better life. Having this illness is not my fault, and there must be a better way to overcome all these problems.
Just wrote an email to my ex lecturer in the UK. He is the best lecturer in my heart. He asked me to write him emails whenever I want to voice up something. He has so many emails every day, but he would still read and reply my emails.
The medication has caused me to feel tired, and I don't like this kind of fatigue feeling. While feeling tired, I also feel hopeless. It's like, no energy to do whatsoever and wanna close my eyes and sleep. Last time I had dreams to move on and on. Now I want to have some new dreams to motivate myself.
Bipolar disorder has undoubtedly ruined my life. My dreams, relationships, career advancement and others have been demolished by my mental illness. How to have my life back? No wonder the suicidal rate is so high for people who have this mental illness.
Anyhow, this is not the end yet. There must be a way for us. I will keep standing and fight for a better life. Having this illness is not my fault, and there must be a better way to overcome all these problems.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)