2018-01-24

How to live my life as a bipolar disorder guy without medication? For your information, I had 8 years of experience living with bipolar without medication. How could I do that? Why I failed for doing so?

I had admitted psychiatric ward for 6 times due to manic. As I observe, the reason I became manic was because I eagerly wanted to succeed. I wanted to get my bachelor and master degrees with flying colours, wanted to have successful relationships with my first and second girlfriends, wanted to reach a higher level for my career. All these thoughts had triggered my manic episode.

Thus, I need to learn to let go. I can always do my best, but I can never control the outcome. Yes, I wish everything is in my control. The fact is, I am not God and I cannot control everything. I should stop and look for helps instead of doing all the weird stuff as if I have magic powers. I should remind myself that I am just an ordinary people.

For God's sake, I don't want to live my life with psychiatric medication. Besides having weight gain issue, I don't feel like myself anymore. All the emotions have been flattened, and I feel like a robot.

Anyway, I need to learn some ways to live without medication before I stop it. After Chinese New Year, I will consult another psychiatrist. Hopefully the psychiatrist can teach me what to do.