2018-01-30
我今年39岁，却仍然单身。身旁的朋友和同学们，大家几乎都成家了。他们都拥有终身伴侣，当然少不了孩子们。
一旦他们步入婚姻，他们就进入人生另一个阶段。我跟他们在一起，变成了不同世界的人。因此我跟他们近乎没什么联系。幸好有去教会，至少可以认识一些朋友，不然我真的没有朋友。
有这样的病，一般人尽可能都不要跟我接触太多，所以渐渐地习惯独来独往。会寂寞吗？或许我已习惯了寂寞。一个人吃午餐，一个人去健身房，一个人去看电影，一个人去游泳等等。
读书时期，身旁都有朋友。当时的我，很享受跟朋友们一起的感觉。这场病在大学学士学位最后一年发作，彻彻底底把我的未来改变了。八年后再去读硕士，以为可以重新找回自己。可惜再一次精神崩溃，又一次把未来都摧毁。
还有未来吗？明年就步入中年的我还有梦想吗？感恩的是父母和家人都没有离弃我，还有到目前为止都可以有稳定的情绪。
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
2018-01-24
How to live my life as a bipolar disorder guy without medication? For your information, I had 8 years of experience living with bipolar without medication. How could I do that? Why I failed for doing so?
I had admitted psychiatric ward for 6 times due to manic. As I observe, the reason I became manic was because I eagerly wanted to succeed. I wanted to get my bachelor and master degrees with flying colours, wanted to have successful relationships with my first and second girlfriends, wanted to reach a higher level for my career. All these thoughts had triggered my manic episode.
Thus, I need to learn to let go. I can always do my best, but I can never control the outcome. Yes, I wish everything is in my control. The fact is, I am not God and I cannot control everything. I should stop and look for helps instead of doing all the weird stuff as if I have magic powers. I should remind myself that I am just an ordinary people.
For God's sake, I don't want to live my life with psychiatric medication. Besides having weight gain issue, I don't feel like myself anymore. All the emotions have been flattened, and I feel like a robot.
Anyway, I need to learn some ways to live without medication before I stop it. After Chinese New Year, I will consult another psychiatrist. Hopefully the psychiatrist can teach me what to do.
How to live my life as a bipolar disorder guy without medication? For your information, I had 8 years of experience living with bipolar without medication. How could I do that? Why I failed for doing so?
I had admitted psychiatric ward for 6 times due to manic. As I observe, the reason I became manic was because I eagerly wanted to succeed. I wanted to get my bachelor and master degrees with flying colours, wanted to have successful relationships with my first and second girlfriends, wanted to reach a higher level for my career. All these thoughts had triggered my manic episode.
Thus, I need to learn to let go. I can always do my best, but I can never control the outcome. Yes, I wish everything is in my control. The fact is, I am not God and I cannot control everything. I should stop and look for helps instead of doing all the weird stuff as if I have magic powers. I should remind myself that I am just an ordinary people.
For God's sake, I don't want to live my life with psychiatric medication. Besides having weight gain issue, I don't feel like myself anymore. All the emotions have been flattened, and I feel like a robot.
Anyway, I need to learn some ways to live without medication before I stop it. After Chinese New Year, I will consult another psychiatrist. Hopefully the psychiatrist can teach me what to do.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
2018-01-23
非常开心有人看我的部落格，还以为写的东西已经没有人要看了。这匿名的部落格，算是我对躁郁症或双相情感障碍的想法。
精神病药物最令人懊恼的问题就是肥胖。我之前的药物让我的体重从七十多公斤变成八十多公斤。现在去年十月换了药，体重没有继续上升。不过到如今，依然没有办法瘦回七十多公斤。一个礼拜运动三天，所吃的分量也很注意，其实吃得比之前七十多公斤的时候还要少，不过却似乎无法减重。上网查询后，才明白那是因为精神病药物缓慢了体内的新陈代谢。
另一个问题是晕眩，少少头晕，长时间要忍受这不舒服的感觉。不喜欢有这晕眩的感觉，虽然不至于严重得影响驾驶和行动，但是会让心情不好受。往往会以为那是因为身体疲倦，歇了一会儿后头还是会觉得晕。紧接着的问题是思想缓慢，无论面对任何问题都会反应不过来。往往会不知觉愣住，整个脑袋好像很容易就卡住。
如果可以，我想停止服用任何精神病药物。现在学习着对任何事情都不要太介怀，更要学会怎么放手。希望随着年龄的增长，可以领悟更多事情，也可以有智慧去面对我的精神病。
非常开心有人看我的部落格，还以为写的东西已经没有人要看了。这匿名的部落格，算是我对躁郁症或双相情感障碍的想法。
精神病药物最令人懊恼的问题就是肥胖。我之前的药物让我的体重从七十多公斤变成八十多公斤。现在去年十月换了药，体重没有继续上升。不过到如今，依然没有办法瘦回七十多公斤。一个礼拜运动三天，所吃的分量也很注意，其实吃得比之前七十多公斤的时候还要少，不过却似乎无法减重。上网查询后，才明白那是因为精神病药物缓慢了体内的新陈代谢。
另一个问题是晕眩，少少头晕，长时间要忍受这不舒服的感觉。不喜欢有这晕眩的感觉，虽然不至于严重得影响驾驶和行动，但是会让心情不好受。往往会以为那是因为身体疲倦，歇了一会儿后头还是会觉得晕。紧接着的问题是思想缓慢，无论面对任何问题都会反应不过来。往往会不知觉愣住，整个脑袋好像很容易就卡住。
如果可以，我想停止服用任何精神病药物。现在学习着对任何事情都不要太介怀，更要学会怎么放手。希望随着年龄的增长，可以领悟更多事情，也可以有智慧去面对我的精神病。
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