Maybe one day I would have my own family ideally a wife with two sons but most probably I have to stay alone till my last day on earth. No one knows and no one could be so sure about their future whatsoever. It's in fact a great failure for me to sustain a relationship with a lady. My bad temper easily ruins any relationships.
It's not what I wanted but during depression state and manic state the uncomfortable feeling in me pushes me to the area of rage. I might say or do something which I do not want. Guilt feeling follows after I am back to myself again but I cannot turn back anymore to undo what I have already done. It's tiring for me to keep saying sorry to everyone around me. It's instead a great mess which I can never tidy up.
As if it is a good excuse for me to do anything I want regardless of responsibility and courtesy. As if everyone I know must forgive me because I have such an illness. As if the world owes me something and it must pay me back. Of course NOT! Definitely NOT! Absolutely NOT!
I was truthfully sincere for all the relationships with everyone and all my family members, relatives and friends are precious for me. They are so valuable as if pearls in my heart. I might not talk to them and might not see them but they are always being well kept in my heart. Sometimes I choose to isolate myself because I do not want to hurt them with my words and actions which are not from me.
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