《二零一六年一月二十九日》
如果我已经痊愈了，应该没有资格再以躁郁症病患者继续写这个部落格了吧。一个人算是有忧郁症，那人的情绪一般会保持低落至少一个礼拜。然后如果他有躁郁症的话，那人会情绪高昂三四天。

已经很久没有情绪高昂三四天了。曾经一年至少两次长达一个月的忧郁期，也仿佛不见踪影。之前感觉被女生拒绝后，情绪突然进入忧郁，原本以为会长达一个月，不过只是短短五天而已。昨天感到情绪低落，再次以为会长达一个月，不过竟然只是区区几个小时。自从二零一四年九月出院到现在，大约一年又四个月，那些所谓的躁郁症特征渐渐显得模糊不清。是因为服药的关系吗？据我所知，服药只是把情绪上下的幅度缩小，病患还是会不知觉进入忧郁期和浮躁期。可是当这两个都几乎消失不见的时候，又是什么情况呢？我不知道。不过之前所有躁郁症所带给我的困扰都好像不复存在。

还是会继续服药，不过自己这个躁郁症的标签，好像无法再放在我身上。据专家所说，这病是一辈子的，肯本无法康复。

"22th January 2016"
It's impossible to build a true relationship based on lies. I once thought I could do it by hiding my mentally ill problem from my future partner. As my mentor told me, this cannot be done. How foolish am I to think for such an attempt?

If she loves me, she will accept everything of me. The same principal be applied, as I will also love her and accept everything about her. If I cannot meet someone like this, then I will rather choose not to love anyone.

《二零一六年一月二十日》
被拒绝后，让我重新思考，到底我是不是应该隐瞒这问题。其实我真的不介意让他人知道，也不会认为这问题是个耻辱。可是这问题会让对方产生了隐忧，让我必需重新再思考到底要怎么做。

这问题，身旁的人根本不能帮什么。这么多年以来，纵然身旁的亲友给予很大的鼓励和扶持，但是这问题还是必需自己面对。若是这样想，让未来的她知道或不知道，真的好像没有什么分别。事实是，确实很渴望有自己的小家庭。可惜的是，这梦想似乎依然如此遥不可及。

"15th January 2016"
Being rejected. Sure, it's terrible for being rejected by someone. She once accepted me wholeheartedly but after a few days she changed her thought totally. It's okay for me because every gal wants security and I cannot provide this to any of them.

Feeling down for a few days until I was sick and just recovered today. I'll be fine. All my strength will come back to me and I'll shine like a sun again. Life goes on and on. Anyway, she's still my friend.

《二零一六年一月十三日》
上个星期六，我跟她出来见面。结果她只想成为朋友，而她须要时间来观察我。她还说，在夜晚的时候，她会比较感性，所以在那个时刻会非常不理智地说出一些话。她这句话很伤人，而我突然间，真的不知道如何回应。

那天是上个星期六，傍晚还要出席朋友的酒席。回到家，瘫痪在床上一段时间，渴望可以获取足够的体力来应付傍晚的酒席。出席酒席的时候，看到朋友脸上那按奈不住幸福洋溢的表情，心里万分地羡慕，因为这样的幸福感觉离我太遥远。星期天还要参与某个会议，准备做主日学老师的会议。心里不断问自己，我还有精力去当任好一位主日学老师吗？

星期一病倒倒了，而那场病一直延续到今天，希望今天可以康复。那主日学老师的任务，我想，还是退了吧。我也不知道要怎样跟她继续维持朋友的关系，因为我不须要她朋友般的关心。

"5th January 2016"
Quantity is important but quality is more important. If I can choose one only, surely I'll choose quality.

Facebook and Instagram have become very popular. When someone posts something in it, they will focus on how many likes they will get. Same as blog, once an article has been posted, they will focus on how many people have viewed it. Anyway, I don't mind about it anymore.

Recognition and acceptance are very important to mental illness patients. We might do something, even something more than our ability just to be accepted by the people. If you are one of them, I wanna tell you, dear, just accept yourself.

Please accept yourself by your own. Don't depend on other people because there is no perfect being in this world. If you depend on someone else, the person might fail you. It happened on me. My ex godmother, she decided to break our relationship during the time I was most fragile.

Anyway, I've forgiven her because it's not easy to be a godmother for a mental illness patient. I hope she is happy and healthy.

《二零一六年一月四日》
说实话，要坚持写部落格真的不容易。写在这里的东西，任何人都可以浏览。有些部落格非常受欢迎，有很高的阅读率，也有很多人在里头留言。反之，有些部落格，似乎无人问津，根本不受青睐。事实是，我的部落格属于后者。

这个部落格，分享着个人的生活，一个躁郁症病患者要如何面对生活。其实自己不只是躁郁症，而里头也有精神分裂症的症状。最近看报纸，才发现精神分裂症已经换了名字，现在称为思觉失调症，一个比较好听的名字。主要征兆是会有幻听和幻视，还会常常觉得自己被监视，会认为自己非常独特，正在进行着一样不可思议的任务。

要用怎么样的思维与心态去面对呢？这是我个人一直积极探讨的问题。跨入了新的一年，象征一个全新的开始。要相信一切都有其解决的方法。