2021-10-29

昨天在疫情下度过生日，有来自亲朋好友的祝福，跟父母亲度过开心的一天。父母一直希望我能早日成家，心里清楚知道这几乎是一个不可能的任务。

大学的硕士课程刚开始，只能抱着一颗平常心面对。给予自己半年的时间，若情况有所差错就必须马上停止。到底会有什么问题呢？到目前为止，怎么想都想不到会出什么事。无论如何，要保持警惕，好让发生事情时不会措手不及。

过去读书时，总会发生问题。有些亲戚知道我想继续读书，都担心不已。若这一次再发生事情，那么就不会再尝试踏入校园了。想要成为研究员的梦想，也只能是个梦。硕士过后还有博士，仍然有很长的路要走。

有梦是好事，可以有活下去的斗志。但是如果梦想成为了不必要的负担和枷锁，那么必定要懂得松开双手。何时该坚持不懈？何时该豁达放手？确实是很深奥的学问。

2021-10-27

Got the opportunity to study a master course at University of Malaya. Actually I wanted to study a PhD course but the master degree I have is not qualified for that. It should be a good stepping stone towards a PhD. 

For my bachelor and master degrees, I had had a breakdown for both of the courses. Although I could still manage to complete those courses, but the experiences were terribly heartbreaking. I was feeling so helpless like a little child, until I didn't know how to pack my clothes to return back to Malaysia. Two good friends from Malaysia who stay in the UK came to me, and they helped me to pack. 

During all those days, I was living in fears and totally no confidence. Kept bothering whoever I knew and kept on talking with them. My used to be godmother, who was also my Sunday school teacher, she was so frustrated until she decided to end our relationships, asking not to talk to her anymore. And also, during that period, I lost almost all my friends. Even my sister also almost wanted to break the relationship with me. 

I don't have confidence to pass with flying colours for this master course. Moreover, I already set a 6 months probation period. If anything goes wrong or fail a subject, then I have to quit this course whatsoever. All in all, having a good health is much more important than getting another masters.