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Tuesday, August 24, 2021

 2021-08-24

双相情感障碍患者在工作方面当然会面对比一般人更加多的问题。无论如何,人人都需要一份工作。至于精神病患者,我们更需要一份稳定的工作。

精神疾病是属于私人的问题,我们不必要把这问题写在履历里,但要肯定我们可以胜任该工作。试用期短则三个月,长则六个月,这段时间确实不好过。我们只有尽上最大的努力,但千万不可让自己陷入精神崩溃。我是一名电讯工程师,在某间国际企业里工作。这公司的试用期长达六个月,压力大得几乎要让我精神崩溃。记得几乎要通过试用期之前,直接告诉上司我的病情,过后去直接去看精神科医生。父母亲大力反对我这样做,因为这样会摧毁了我的事业。我曾经以为自己一定可以,但当内在情绪动荡和不断淌血时,非常需要停下来。

公司看到我的努力,也看到我的成绩,并正式雇佣了我。由于只可以做白天的工作,不可以长时间工作,也不可以如平常工程师那样全时间戒备似地工作,过了许多年之后仍然是一名初级工程师。跟我同时间加入此公司的同事,还是比我更迟加入公司的同事,他们都远远超越了我。心里会不平衡,以至曾经辞去这份工作再远赴英国修读硕士。可是在那里又发生精神崩溃而把一切计划都砸碎,幸好旧公司依然肯重新雇佣我。在同一间公司做了许多年,至今也依然是个初级工程师。无所谓吧,至少可以有份工作。

是的,这只是我个人的分享。我们要接受自己的不足,要接受自己的软弱。千万不要看不起自己,因为这一路走来真的很辛苦。在这浩瀚的宇宙里,我们还有一席之地。身为地球的一份子,我们可以贡献少许,这已经很棒啦!


Monday, August 23, 2021

 2021-08-23

How people react when you tell him or her that you have bipolar disorder? In fact, most of the people don't know how to react. From my own experience, they prefer to keep silence or assume I've never told them a word. 

What is the motive behind that I wanted to tell someone that I have such a mental illness? As what I could observe, the majority should act in a certain range for a situation. However, for the same situation, I have acted out of the scope. For example, during this pandemic, I cannot attend choir in a church. All the choir members have to record their singings accordingly. It's really tough to do so. I had tried my best but the video clip has been rejected. This is only the first try. For the majority, they would try to record for the second time. My mood suddenly dropped a few days ago and I have to suffer a long lasting painful feeling inside. In such a circumstance, I felt fed up and wanted to quit straight away. My choir leader patiently advised me not to do so. And then, I felt sorry and told him directly that I have bipolar disorder and being in depression state now, and also I have to suffer the long lasting painful feeling at the moment.

Guess what the feedback from the choir leader? No feedback. What they should response? Another question is, what response we really want? From their point of view, it'll be safe to keep silence. If they say something inappropriate, maybe we would be much worse. All right, this seems correct whatsoever. Anyway, do we expect a silence from the people whenever we tell them about our mental problems? The answer is obviously NO. The main message today is not teaching people how to react. I just want to share with all the mental illness people that it's okay that you tell someone about your mental problems but please do not expect much from the people. Let them know our limitation so that we do not have to bear unnecessary burdens. The painful feeling that we need to suffer is hard to be understood by those who do not have such a problem.