2020-02-06


After a long holiday for Chinese New Year, I have to return to my routine life again. Of course I don't dare to be a driver for my family members, driving here and there for long hours. During the celebration, I got to bed a bit later than normal and awake a bit later than normal as well. After that, I have to force myself back to the routine sleeping time again.


Due to my mental illness issue, the job responsibilities arranged by my manager are quite simple and light. In another way, I can say that my job is quite bored. Anyhow I understood this should be the best arrangement, and I need to have a stable career to survive. I'll give quite a huge amount of money to my parents, and my father will keep a portion and save the money for me, and the rest of it is my responsible to support my family's financial status.


Yes, mental illness people are necessary to bear our own responsibilities. It doesn't mean we may escape from all the responsibilities once we have a mental illness. Without all these responsibilities, we will definitely lose one of the great reasons to live. It's really satisfying that you may able to work and also the ability to support your own family.


I can't deny that my job is bored. I also cannot deny that my stable life after medication is also bored. Realise that get used to a boring life is a sign of maturity. When getting elder and elder, I yearn to be a real man.

2020-02-05


说说约会吧。本人尝试过网上约会，付了大约九百多令吉的费用。当时的我真的以为透过这网上约会能够遇见另一半。那机构给予自己一年至少十次的约会，若过了一年无法获得十次约会的话，那么会员资格将获延长一年。


结果如何？一年过去了，才有几次的约会。获得延长一年，一直到期限只有九次约会。鼓励我参加此约会的朋友，不到一年就约会了十多次，而他也成功找到了女朋友。确实不想随随便便寻找另一半，纵然自己有精神问题。曾经遇到一位女生，似乎将成功，但我勇敢告诉了她我的精神状况。她很楞然我的诚实，却在夜晚各自回到家后来电告诉我，她只希望跟我保持普通朋友的关系。


其实这打击是挺大的，相信有许多女生都会跟她做相同的抉择。如果那些女生们在浏览我的资料时，那里明确表明此人患有躁郁症，深信过了两年后却没有女生愿意与我见面吧。许多人劝我尝试隐瞒，可是能够隐瞒多久呢？怎么解释为何每晚那么早入眠？怎么解释为何有硕士学位却只是位普通的工程师？怎么解释为何滴酒不沾？怎么解释偶尔的长期情绪沮丧而需要更多的清静空间？不喜欢说谎，因为不断地圆谎，此举动会让人心力交瘁。


依然是一个人，没有伴侣也没有孩子。学会孤单但不孤独，即使孤独也不寂寞。继续好好生活，固然没有另一半，我仍然是完整的一个人。