2019-12-20


It's getting closer and closer towards Christmas, and this is the most wonderful day for me. Although people say that Christmas has been commercialised deeply and losing all the meanings, but for me it's still a day of ultimate love, and the love between family members and friends.


Recently, people keep emphasising the ideology of self love, keep talking about how important it is in order to love yourself. I would like to change a bit with the ideology. For me, I would prefer that all the bipolar people to fully accept ourselves. If we can learn how to love ourselves, it'll be great of course. Look at the suicidal rate, how come the suicidal rate for bipolar people remains number one? It's because of a long lasting severe depression, hopelessness, loneliness, and the sense of not belonging to any groups in the world? I'm not sure about other bipolar people, all these are my own thoughts.


Wholly accept ourselves. Bipolar disorder is part of us but not the full picture. We may feel deeper, sense stronger, analyse things stranger because of it. It's like a knife, and it's up to you to define whether it's a curse or a gift. Anyhow before that, we have to accept that we are holding a knife. Everyone is unique and we are a little more special. Accept it and embrace it into your life. I'm glad that I'm able to sense other people's feelings easily. This is just a minor part of my bipolar disorder.

2019-12-19


这一篇文章，应该是我今年的最后一篇中文文章。确实有很多东西想说，但是会限制自己不发牢骚，不要埋怨，也不要有任何的怨恨。很奇怪，人学坏比学好容易太多太多。同样的，说一大堆负面的话语，比诉说正面的话语轻松简单。


说说眼光。一般人都很在乎他人怎么看待自己，有很多人都很介意被别人看不起。总而言之，仿佛自己的存在和价值都建立在他人的目光。这样生活很累，因为这一辈子，我们是永远无法满足所有人。当然我不主张个人的行为举止，完全不在乎别人，以至自己活在全然属于自己的世界里。所谓入乡随俗，不同的地方都有各自不同的文化。遵守着道地的文化而生活，是当地人基本的尊重。


话说回来，对于别人怎么看自己，真的并不重要。简单来说，我是一名躁郁症病患者，那又怎么样？我拥有一张残障卡，用着它来获取生活上的特别优惠，别人怎么看我又怎么样？当身旁的朋友们知道了我的状况后，他们对待我的方式跟以前不一样，试问我又能怎样？当某些人选择因着我的精神问题而跟我有了距离，我还能怎样？


要建立这属于精神病患者的自信心非常困难。要不断提醒自己真的在这些事情上做得很棒了，在许多小事上一点一点慢慢建立上来。在外面的世界，被众人排斥和边缘化也不必太在意。最重要的，是完全接纳自己。即使没有人的鼓舞和打气，自己也不要忘记给自己当个永不离席的啦啦队。