2019-01-04


When everything has been settled down, and when my mental health becomes stable for a long time, I have to face the feeling of boredom undoubtedly. Anyway, I will not try to stop my medication whatsoever.


The fact is, my brain cannot function as fast as before, the time when I did not take medication. Another fact is, I always feel a bit tired. Strangely that my psychiatrist told me that this is good for me so that I would not do things wildly. I love to exercise, this side effect slows down my performance but I still keep on exercising. Luckily I'm not an athlete, thus I do not need to worry about my performance. Due to my brain issue, it does effect my ability in learning. Anyhow, I just take more time to learn.


Learn to be a turtle, slow and steady moving forwards. It really needs lots of perseverance but slow to reach the target is always much better than never reach it due to mentally breakdown. As for a love relationship, other people same age with me already got married and with children, it's okay for me because most probably I just have to wait for a little longer. Even if I eventually fail to have a love relationship, it's still fine for me because I have tried.

2019-01-02


本来我想改变这部落格的色彩，还有文章的排列，甚至更换照片等等。后来发现其他的色彩并不好看，也没有其他的照片放在这部落格里。橙色这耀眼的颜色，对我来说代表希望。总觉得人人都需要至少一个盼望，好让我们因着这盼望而顽强地生活。失去了愿望，人就会逐渐变成了没有灵魂的躯体，即是大家所熟悉的丧尸。


我首要的愿望，就是不再遭遇精神崩溃。每一次精神崩溃后，都需要很漫长的时间康复。随着年龄渐长，发现自己已没有太多的时间来浪费。一直以来都很憧憬爱情，但以往无数次精神崩溃的主要原因都是爱情问题。大部分的人士，他们的婚姻都不美满。还有不少人士，他们都忙着处理离婚的手续。更糟糕的数据，就是躁郁症病患者的离婚指数跟自杀比率一样惊人！加上有不少人对精神病人士的误解和歧视，一旦知道对方有这问题就会马上拒绝跟患者成为恋人，根本都还没有机会进入爱情的阶段里。


其次的愿望，希望能找到适合自己的生活模式。看到身旁的朋友和亲戚们，他们成功找到另一半，然后结婚生小孩，组织自己的家庭。毫无疑问，当然会希望能像他们一样。可是如果自己不会有另一半，那么自己一个人要怎么好好继续生活？或许这些日子以来，已慢慢学会孤单一人，领会如何孤单但不寂寞。