2018-08-03

The only side effect of my medication is feeling a bit tired. Actually I was very energetic before taking medication. By having medication, I'm no longer a super human.

This should be the correct mindset, I just want to be a normal guy. Before taking medication, I was in manic state most of the time, super energetic and my mind working extraordinary fast. The problem was, if I faced a problem and I couldn't solve it, I would easily lose my mind. Thus, it is much better for me to slow down.

It's true that I did feel good to stay in manic state. However, it's a disaster once I lose my mind. My relationships had been ruined by my craziness and my career was almost gone. Hence, I'm willing to take my medication and have a normal life.

2018-08-03

以前有个自大的抱负，以为自己可以成为躁郁症病患者的典范，可以通过所写的文章来鼓励其他的病患者。后来在生活里遇到难题，领悟自己也只是普普通通的人，并没有如此大的影响力。

精神状况确实稳定了许久，唯一的副作用就是会觉得少少疲倦。这少许的疲倦，没有在工作方面带来麻烦。反应和脑力会比较缓慢，这都是为了阻止本人不知觉进入狂躁的状态。事实是，狂躁比沮丧可怕。当然，沮丧的状态同样很难挨。但相比之下，狂躁的状态会完全不受控制，什么事都敢做，而这状况真的要不得。

精神科医生告诉我，有点疲倦是好事，才不会任意妄为。以前的精力太旺盛，现在的一点疲倦，让我成为一个正常人。