What is real? What is unreal? When you were in chaos state, you would have no idea at all. All seemed so real, your senses, your sights, your hearings and also your feelings.
Remember the first time I relapsed, I was struggling hard to get myself back into the reality. I was staying at the Queen's Medical Centre in Nottingham, wandering around in the ward, exactly had no idea where were I. How to wake up? I must wake up, but how?
After a week, I rejected to believe what I saw. The second day, I disbelieved what I heard. And then, I didn't even trust my own feelings. It was like a reset process, everything was too much, and what you needed to do was to turn off all your senses one by one. Amazingly, right after that, I regained my sanity.
According to all the experts, they say we lack of sufficient hormones to stabilise our mood in a range unlike other people in majority. When we were out of the range, our brain does not work in order. This is why we must take our medication to prevent our mood gets out of the range.
How to justify the whole situation? The only answer I can give is, you have to trust someone, at least one person. The person I trust the most is my mentor. He was my lecturer. I was so glad to have the chance to meet him in my life. He asked me to write whatever I wanted to him. Without him, I will not be able to share all these stories with you in English.
The main point I want to share today is, trust someone who cares about you. When you accidentally fall into a chaos state, you need someone to pull you out from it.
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