2022-06-30

生活难免会遇见许多困难，一大堆解决不完的问题，仿佛怎么尽力都做不好的事。很沮丧，很无奈，也很无助。

想要有人帮助，但似乎没有人可以帮忙。在人生的道路上，总需要由自己去面对。无论怎么不愿意，还是要自己独自去面对。可是，真的没有法子，该怎么办？

我常常都陷入困境里，很多很多绞尽脑汁都无法胜任的事物。不断告诉自己，尽力就好，尽了力就好。若最终失败了，告诉自己，“你已经尽力了。”

重要的是，生活没有遗憾。既然尽了全力，纵然满盘皆输，却没有白活。

2022-06-28

It's time to write a blog for this. It's really tiring to work and study at the same time. Of course, I prefer study than work, but I need to work for surviving. Thus, working full-time and studying part-time is my only choice. 

Hardworking can always make things better. However, it can never bring me towards perfect. I may exercise regularly, eat healthily, study the best I could, but all these will never make me a perfect guy. Used to be a perfectionist till I'd diagnosed of having such a mental illness. Tried to deny such a fact, and assumed I was totally fine without medication. After that, I experienced more damages. 

Hence, it's a definite no for being a perfectionist. But hey, life is much better without striving for perfection! How come? Perfection is a high standard, and no one knows how high it can go. We could never reach it because no matter how good we have done, we would think that we could do it slightly better. That's too pathetic. 

Without perfection, I just stop doing something when feeling that I want to take a break. While reading, simply lie down and rest when the head is going numb. Keep reminding myself that I can never understand every single thing. In fact, try to understand as much as possible. Whatever the results, accept it without self cricticising.  

Yes, we have done our best, and it's really more than enough. Even if we never really try our best, as long as we have tried, all the little efforts are still precious. 

2022-05-27

在忙碌中觉得心力交瘁，似乎怎么努力都无法完成。会寻求帮助，但并非人人都愿意提供协助。通常在这样的情况，都会选择把东西都放下，让脑袋与心灵都可以喘口气。

东西没有完成，并非什么严重的事。只要尽了力，依然没有办法解决的话，怎么办？没有关系，我们还有明天。如果自己怎么努力都徒然，甚至寻求不到帮助，又怎么办？那么会尝试找其他人的援助，只要还未到期限，千万不可放弃。倘若期限到了，仍然无法解决？这个时候，就要学习怎么放手。

坚持不容易，可是放手比坚持更加困难！暂时歇息并非放弃，但到了第二天必须重新继续尝试。在尝试所有的方案之前，尤其是在期限之前，我们不可以贸贸然就放弃。无论看起来、听起来、感觉起来自己都必定失败，在结果出来之前，我们都必须坚持下去。

放弃很简单，很多人还没有尽全力的时候，往往会出现放弃的念头。硬着头皮去尝试，还会有成功的机会。放弃的话，肯定马上失败。还有寻求帮助的时候，不得不厚着脸皮。祈求到对方肯帮助你为止，那脸皮确实要很厚很厚。

最后就是放手。放手不是放弃，虽然这两个词汇似乎同义。有些东西是必需放手的，无论如何都无法成功，而最明显的例子既是爱情。假如有个女生告诉你，她对你没有感觉，她只想你做她的朋友。这是死刑，她判了你死刑。这时候，我们都需要学会放手。

2022-05-26

Do I care that no one reading my blog? Do I care maybe I have to stay single for the rest of my life? Do I care whether I could be part of the society? Yes, I did care much for all these. How about now? Still a bit care about these but not so much anymore. 

What's the root cause for this change? Getting more matured? Perhaps. By being much elder each day, there would be more responsibilities on our shoulders. If we have to care so much, then it would impossible for us to move on.  How we see ourselves is always more important than how others see us. Of course, we should listen to people, but obviously not everyone, especially never listen to those who never care about you. 

Please do value all the advice from those who love and care about you. Try our best to be a better people according to their standard. At the same time, please do remember to voice up your opinions and thoughts. No one could read our minds. Thus, never expect people to understand us without saying a word. It sounds tough but actually it can be pretty simple. 

We do not need to mention about our mental illness condition again and again. We do not have to explain all the ups and downs inside us numerous times. And also, please never expect people to understand what is bipolar disorder. For our conversation, simply say something like, "I feel tired today for all these assignments." or "This song is gorgeous, do you like it too?" 

Surely, if someone who wants to know about your mental health condition, just share with him or her freely. However, please do stop and monitor people's face expression from time to time. When there are more and more question marks on people's face, then it's time for you to stop and smile.  

2021-04-27

已有好一段日子迷上了MBTI，它把人类区分为十六组类型。开始时很懊恼，因为只要不断地重复回答问题，都会获得不同的类型。曾经一度怀疑，这心理测试并不准确。尤其是当自己处于忧郁期、混合期或平凡期，肯定得到了全然不一样的结果。

我想说什么呢？是的，我们都会轻易获得不同的结果。但是当你细心去回答问题后，选择你心里最直接的反应，而不是脑袋里认为应该的举动，那结果即会不再改变。还有一个至关重要的问题：到底是我们的个性造成我们遭遇这精神疾病，还是这精神疾病造就了我们这样的个性？乍看之下，好像“先有鸡蛋，还是先有鸡”的老旧问题。

请别误会，我不想也不要去牵涉这样没完没了的争论。我们拥有怎么样的想法，会直接让我们感到舒服抑或痛苦。假如我们认为，是这精神疾病让我们成为如今这样的自己，那么立即表示我们已放弃好好生活，陷入无止境的煎熬里。倘若我们认为，是我们如此的个性造成我们遭遇这精神病，意味着我们仍有改变的能力与权力，那么腹中那股烈火依然可以熊熊燃烧着。

个性可以改变吗？回到这MBTI测验，每一种类型都有A或T，代表着有Assertive自信稳固，或Turbulent动荡不安。每一种个性都是不同的色彩，无所谓好或坏。但明显的，让自己成为某种色彩自信稳固的一位，而不是动荡不安的一份子。这是人人都能做到的，也可以让精神患者锻炼出坚毅不拔的自信，好好生活着。

但愿天下所有的精神病患者都能好好生活，在这世界舞台上成为其中一位耀眼的人士。不再对自己猜疑是否有价值，也不再认为自己可有可无。世界少了你，马上少了无可取代独有的色彩。

2022-04-26

My mixed state period just ended recently. It was a more suffering condition than depression period. What is the type of mixed state for me? I was feeling tired but feeling irritated constantly at the same moment. Thus, it was undoubtedly tough to remain calm and would get quarrels easily with anyone.

Unfortunately, I had lost my patience and argued fiercely with a client. Of course, while having a logical mind, I should never argue with anyone, definitely not my clients. I was trying my very best not to drink and not to smoke during such a state. Of course, I would feel much better while doing all these. However, how about after all these? Should I smoke more, and should I drink more? At the end, I never smoke nor drink to ease the pains. 

There is a much better way to ease the pains which is doing various types of sports. Maybe people might say, it's too expensive to buy a good road bike, or I'm not good in sports at all. You may just buy a pair of running shoes with the reasonable price, and then start running. I do notice that our medication would easily cause us to gain much weights directly or indirectly. If you have knee problems, most probably you may start walking around. Walking is also a great exercise.

Besides, I was trying to avoid stresses. After working, I would switch off my mind and stop thinking about works. When it is the time to get to bed, I would put my mobile phone in silent mode. So that, I would never be woken up by all sorts of email alerts, WhatsApp messages, Facebook notifications and etc. Instead, a good sleep is much more important than doing all sorts of exercises. 

No matter how hopeless you feel, all these uncomfortable feelings will surely fade away. Yes, we may overcome all the obstacles again and again.    

2022-03-17

由于工作不怎么繁重，还可以兼读硕士课程。第一学期的成绩算是考得挺不错， 所以在这即将开始的第二学期，会比第一学期多读一门课。盼望自己依然可以考得好成绩。

有个猎人头，向我推荐一份更好的工作：薪金比目前的工作高许多，还有职位也比目前的高几个等级。可是我拒绝了。为什么呢？当精神状态好的时候，肯定可以表现得比一般人优越。不幸的是，精神状况不好的时候，几乎没有办法好好工作。

必需坦白，自己在这时候就处于无法安好工作的状况。这部落格一开起来，脑袋空空的，完全不知道该写什么好。无法等到状况好的时候才写，因为这状况会保持相当冗长的时间。咆哮着为何人类不是北极熊，不像北极熊那样可以冬眠一段日子。如果这状况一来到即可进入冬眠，那么日子就不会过得太难受。

是的，我感到难受。可怕的是，这难受会继续不断笼罩着我，无论去到什么地方，这阴影仍然牢牢困锁。光线总是那么刺眼，急躁的声音语气如刀刺割着我的心，难受的情绪怎么变得如此巨大和沉重。想要躲避，想要隐藏，却不知道能藏在什么地方。

或许人人都会问我，难道精神药物失效了吗？当然不是。幸好服用着药物，不然思绪会极度容易陷入无法控制的亢奋中，完全失丧了理智。是的，我感到不舒服，但幸好理智犹在。周而复始的状况，一定可以挨过去。