2021-04-19

It comes again. Yes, twice a year, I need to suffer a long uncomfortable state. No idea whether it's depressed, manic or mixed, definitely a painful period for me. As time goes by, it happens again and again around April and November.

The fact is, my medication (lithium carbonate) does ease the pains. Before my very first breakdown, before being diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, when this happened, I had to paralyse in a bed for almost the whole day. When night fell, then I had a bit of strength to get out of the bed and find something to eat. Many years ago, it happened for a day. And many years after, it lasts for a few weeks. It is true that as I'm getting older and older, this uncomfortable state is getting longer and longer as well. 

Please take note that I'm still suffering while writing this blog. It is obvious that the medication could help me in getting a normal life as others. Of course, my productivity drops but I could keep up with my daily routines. For all the readers, you might think I have a strong mind to handle it. No, this is not true. Every bipolar people could share with you that this kind of emotional painful feeling is a tragedy. From my point of view, this painful feeling could be described as someone is piercing my heart bit by bit with a little sharp knife, and the blood flows out of the heart slowly. 

When the medication takes action, all these feelings are being minimised to the point that I could proceed with my daily routines. Besides, I love to study so much. Found a suitable master degree at a local university and I have registered with the university. Although I have such a mental illness, I'm still able to go for my dreams and various of hobbies. In fact, other people including all the ladies might look at me as a hopeless weirdo. As for me, life goes on, and there are 'mountains' ahead to be climbed.