2019-12-20
It's getting closer and closer towards Christmas, and this is the most wonderful day for me. Although people say that Christmas has been commercialised deeply and losing all the meanings, but for me it's still a day of ultimate love, and the love between family members and friends.
Recently, people keep emphasising the ideology of self love, keep talking about how important it is in order to love yourself. I would like to change a bit with the ideology. For me, I would prefer that all the bipolar people to fully accept ourselves. If we can learn how to love ourselves, it'll be great of course. Look at the suicidal rate, how come the suicidal rate for bipolar people remains number one? It's because of a long lasting severe depression, hopelessness, loneliness, and the sense of not belonging to any groups in the world? I'm not sure about other bipolar people, all these are my own thoughts.
Wholly accept ourselves. Bipolar disorder is part of us but not the full picture. We may feel deeper, sense stronger, analyse things stranger because of it. It's like a knife, and it's up to you to define whether it's a curse or a gift. Anyhow before that, we have to accept that we are holding a knife. Everyone is unique and we are a little more special. Accept it and embrace it into your life. I'm glad that I'm able to sense other people's feelings easily. This is just a minor part of my bipolar disorder.
Friday, December 20, 2019
Thursday, December 19, 2019
2019-12-19
这一篇文章，应该是我今年的最后一篇中文文章。确实有很多东西想说，但是会限制自己不发牢骚，不要埋怨，也不要有任何的怨恨。很奇怪，人学坏比学好容易太多太多。同样的，说一大堆负面的话语，比诉说正面的话语轻松简单。
说说眼光。一般人都很在乎他人怎么看待自己，有很多人都很介意被别人看不起。总而言之，仿佛自己的存在和价值都建立在他人的目光。这样生活很累，因为这一辈子，我们是永远无法满足所有人。当然我不主张个人的行为举止，完全不在乎别人，以至自己活在全然属于自己的世界里。所谓入乡随俗，不同的地方都有各自不同的文化。遵守着道地的文化而生活，是当地人基本的尊重。
话说回来，对于别人怎么看自己，真的并不重要。简单来说，我是一名躁郁症病患者，那又怎么样？我拥有一张残障卡，用着它来获取生活上的特别优惠，别人怎么看我又怎么样？当身旁的朋友们知道了我的状况后，他们对待我的方式跟以前不一样，试问我又能怎样？当某些人选择因着我的精神问题而跟我有了距离，我还能怎样？
要建立这属于精神病患者的自信心非常困难。要不断提醒自己真的在这些事情上做得很棒了，在许多小事上一点一点慢慢建立上来。在外面的世界，被众人排斥和边缘化也不必太在意。最重要的，是完全接纳自己。即使没有人的鼓舞和打气，自己也不要忘记给自己当个永不离席的啦啦队。
Monday, November 25, 2019
2019-11-25
It's undoubtedly quite suffering entering the depression state. Most probably due to medication, all sorts of mentally and physically pains are gone. However, I have to bear the fatigue feelings during the day time.
Just an ordinary middle age guy in Malaysia. Not from a rich family and I still have to work and support my parents. Actually I can easily get medical leave from a psychiatrist but I don't want to do so. Besides getting a medical leave while consulting my psychiatrist once a year, I seldom get medical leave from the psychiatrist. Perhaps, my colleagues who do not have mental health problems may apply more medical leave than I.
For me, exercise has become part of my life. Running, cycling and swimming are really fun. Some more, these sports can be done alone. Socialising is okay during normal state but it'll be tough during depression state. If I push myself to social with people during this time, it may cause unnecessary stress inside. I prefer not to talk to anyone during this moment. Thus, I may still enjoy all these activities without talking to people.
Another obvious thing is, I really crave for chocolates. Actually I'm on diet and hope to burn a few kilograms more. By having chocolates, it'll give me some courage to go on. I'll take a bit during this moment but truly under control. Depression state will be ceased soon, I believe.
It's undoubtedly quite suffering entering the depression state. Most probably due to medication, all sorts of mentally and physically pains are gone. However, I have to bear the fatigue feelings during the day time.
Just an ordinary middle age guy in Malaysia. Not from a rich family and I still have to work and support my parents. Actually I can easily get medical leave from a psychiatrist but I don't want to do so. Besides getting a medical leave while consulting my psychiatrist once a year, I seldom get medical leave from the psychiatrist. Perhaps, my colleagues who do not have mental health problems may apply more medical leave than I.
For me, exercise has become part of my life. Running, cycling and swimming are really fun. Some more, these sports can be done alone. Socialising is okay during normal state but it'll be tough during depression state. If I push myself to social with people during this time, it may cause unnecessary stress inside. I prefer not to talk to anyone during this moment. Thus, I may still enjoy all these activities without talking to people.
Another obvious thing is, I really crave for chocolates. Actually I'm on diet and hope to burn a few kilograms more. By having chocolates, it'll give me some courage to go on. I'll take a bit during this moment but truly under control. Depression state will be ceased soon, I believe.
Friday, November 22, 2019
2019-11-22
一直以来，过了十月底，即会进入长达将近两个月的忧郁期。每一次在圣诞节之前都会消失不见。所以这么多年以来，都会期待圣诞节快快来临。从二十四岁开始，这忧郁期是令人痛苦难熬的。
挨着挨着，我已是个四十岁的中年男子。这一次的忧郁期，突然没有以前那么煎熬了。发生了什么事呢？有几点我想跟大家分享的，经过在脑袋里整理好了后，才在这部落格传达。个人觉得，主要有三点：睡眠、运动和减少压力。
在这三项里头，睡眠是最重要的。当然定时不间断服药是首要的，但是在这里想要分享除了服药之外的讯息。每天在固定的时候入眠，过后在近乎固定的时间清醒。如果没有良好的睡眠，第二天一整天都不会拥有好心情。躁郁症病患者的脾气，一般都不太好。避免做出任何会让自己暴怒的状况，假如一发不可收拾，那么就会无比糟糕。还有一点，在睡眠之前，把手机放静音，好让不会在半夜被手机的铃声干扰。
紧接着，我们必需常常运动。专家们会告诉大家运动有多么重要，但对于一般人，他们即使不运动也不会怎样。可是我们不可以如此，运动对我们来说，太重要啦！每个礼拜都要持之以恒有个规律的运动习惯。运动后，脑袋会释放多巴胺，而这荷尔蒙会减轻忧郁时的痛楚，同时也会缓和急躁时的浮躁。在忧郁期会感到莫名疲倦，运动后可以为自己大大提神。
至于第三点，减少压力也是很重要。可是如果可以做好第一和第二点，这第三点会让情况变得更好。减少压力，这真的是说得轻松，但做起来却不容易。怎么减少压力呢？本人觉得，应该是不要给自己拟定过高的目标。设定目标是好的，但过高难以完成的目标却会带给自己不必要的压力。很多事情，尽力做就对了，至于结果如何，要学会以豁达的心态去面对。
好了，今天就分享到这里。希望大家尽力好好生活！
一直以来，过了十月底，即会进入长达将近两个月的忧郁期。每一次在圣诞节之前都会消失不见。所以这么多年以来，都会期待圣诞节快快来临。从二十四岁开始，这忧郁期是令人痛苦难熬的。
挨着挨着，我已是个四十岁的中年男子。这一次的忧郁期，突然没有以前那么煎熬了。发生了什么事呢？有几点我想跟大家分享的，经过在脑袋里整理好了后，才在这部落格传达。个人觉得，主要有三点：睡眠、运动和减少压力。
在这三项里头，睡眠是最重要的。当然定时不间断服药是首要的，但是在这里想要分享除了服药之外的讯息。每天在固定的时候入眠，过后在近乎固定的时间清醒。如果没有良好的睡眠，第二天一整天都不会拥有好心情。躁郁症病患者的脾气，一般都不太好。避免做出任何会让自己暴怒的状况，假如一发不可收拾，那么就会无比糟糕。还有一点，在睡眠之前，把手机放静音，好让不会在半夜被手机的铃声干扰。
紧接着，我们必需常常运动。专家们会告诉大家运动有多么重要，但对于一般人，他们即使不运动也不会怎样。可是我们不可以如此，运动对我们来说，太重要啦！每个礼拜都要持之以恒有个规律的运动习惯。运动后，脑袋会释放多巴胺，而这荷尔蒙会减轻忧郁时的痛楚，同时也会缓和急躁时的浮躁。在忧郁期会感到莫名疲倦，运动后可以为自己大大提神。
至于第三点，减少压力也是很重要。可是如果可以做好第一和第二点，这第三点会让情况变得更好。减少压力，这真的是说得轻松，但做起来却不容易。怎么减少压力呢？本人觉得，应该是不要给自己拟定过高的目标。设定目标是好的，但过高难以完成的目标却会带给自己不必要的压力。很多事情，尽力做就对了，至于结果如何，要学会以豁达的心态去面对。
好了，今天就分享到这里。希望大家尽力好好生活！
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
2019-10-09
No one likes to accept that they are having mental illness. It's really easy for us to accept other theories. What if, we are having something else, anything is OK as long as it's not mental illness. Yes, I truly wish the whole incident was a misdiagnosed only.
Unfortunately, it's pretty hard for me to be misdiagnosed. Five times breakdown, obviously it's pretty impossible to get into the category of misdiagnosis. Time is precious, and I'm not young anymore to take whatever possible risks. It was crazily hard to standup again for a single relapse. At the beginning, the medication was so heavy until I had to move like a zombie and couldn't speak properly. I had to tell myself numerous times that I would recover.
Yes, I have to admit that it was hard to take medication faithfully. Every time when I was slightly OK, I would think that I should stop my medication. You may see that I was so stubborn in rejecting my mental status until I could breakdown for 5 times. It was hurt, ridiculously painful and suffering journey to live a normal life again. Hence, I need to take note that I should never stop taking my medication.
Recently, I found out myself might be an empath. Some people say bipolar disorder people's empathetic level is generally low. Some people say some empaths have been misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder. For me, the feeling is too much. Let say, I'm an empath. And then, how to manage? Leaving this busy city, get myself away from people, be in the natural most of the time, having more self time... Yes, rich people can do all these things but I'm just an average income people.
What I wanna say today is, if we can get away from mental illness labeling, we may surely do it. There are so many theories and sayings about this, as an average income people, it's advisable to take medication rather than trying all sorts of different ways.
No one likes to accept that they are having mental illness. It's really easy for us to accept other theories. What if, we are having something else, anything is OK as long as it's not mental illness. Yes, I truly wish the whole incident was a misdiagnosed only.
Unfortunately, it's pretty hard for me to be misdiagnosed. Five times breakdown, obviously it's pretty impossible to get into the category of misdiagnosis. Time is precious, and I'm not young anymore to take whatever possible risks. It was crazily hard to standup again for a single relapse. At the beginning, the medication was so heavy until I had to move like a zombie and couldn't speak properly. I had to tell myself numerous times that I would recover.
Yes, I have to admit that it was hard to take medication faithfully. Every time when I was slightly OK, I would think that I should stop my medication. You may see that I was so stubborn in rejecting my mental status until I could breakdown for 5 times. It was hurt, ridiculously painful and suffering journey to live a normal life again. Hence, I need to take note that I should never stop taking my medication.
Recently, I found out myself might be an empath. Some people say bipolar disorder people's empathetic level is generally low. Some people say some empaths have been misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder. For me, the feeling is too much. Let say, I'm an empath. And then, how to manage? Leaving this busy city, get myself away from people, be in the natural most of the time, having more self time... Yes, rich people can do all these things but I'm just an average income people.
What I wanna say today is, if we can get away from mental illness labeling, we may surely do it. There are so many theories and sayings about this, as an average income people, it's advisable to take medication rather than trying all sorts of different ways.
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
2019-10-08
生活确实不容易，要面对的问题也层出不穷。很多时候很想逃亡，因为要面对一切总须要很大的勇气。运动是个很好的心灵陶造的方法，透过运动可以提升病患者的意志力和信心。
小的时候，会羡慕参加马拉松或铁人三赛的选手，根本不曾想象自己可以成为他们的一分子。在机缘巧合之下，遇到某个在这方面的专家。感激他给予我所有的指教，让我有机会参与这些比赛。当时的自己放弃服药，在精力旺盛的状态下发挥得相当不错。
后来面对感情的纠纷，与第二任女友脱离关系后，不幸再次陷入精神崩溃。一次次认为自己有能力不靠药物生活，但是当面对棘手的问题时，无奈一次次地陷入崩溃，所以只好乖乖听话天天按时服药。服药后身体状况不胜以往，体力跟不服药时有了很大的差距。最明显的例子，就是以往骑脚车能紧紧跟随在这专家的身后，但开始服药后就再也无法跟在他身后。
不想放弃，以致自己不断默默操练自己。后来随着这专家参加了铁人三赛、脚车比赛、半马拉松比赛等等。老实说，虽然每项比赛都成功完成，但是成绩都不怎么理想。可是没有关系，最重要的事情，是自己尽了力。在这过程中，可以好好锻炼自己更有自信生活。
只要未曾放弃，不断继续努力，即使结果不完美，但大家都已不知觉身处于缺陷美的状况里。人生的真谛，我个人认为，就是真正的完美并不完美。
生活确实不容易，要面对的问题也层出不穷。很多时候很想逃亡，因为要面对一切总须要很大的勇气。运动是个很好的心灵陶造的方法，透过运动可以提升病患者的意志力和信心。
小的时候，会羡慕参加马拉松或铁人三赛的选手，根本不曾想象自己可以成为他们的一分子。在机缘巧合之下，遇到某个在这方面的专家。感激他给予我所有的指教，让我有机会参与这些比赛。当时的自己放弃服药，在精力旺盛的状态下发挥得相当不错。
后来面对感情的纠纷，与第二任女友脱离关系后，不幸再次陷入精神崩溃。一次次认为自己有能力不靠药物生活，但是当面对棘手的问题时，无奈一次次地陷入崩溃，所以只好乖乖听话天天按时服药。服药后身体状况不胜以往，体力跟不服药时有了很大的差距。最明显的例子，就是以往骑脚车能紧紧跟随在这专家的身后，但开始服药后就再也无法跟在他身后。
不想放弃，以致自己不断默默操练自己。后来随着这专家参加了铁人三赛、脚车比赛、半马拉松比赛等等。老实说，虽然每项比赛都成功完成，但是成绩都不怎么理想。可是没有关系，最重要的事情，是自己尽了力。在这过程中，可以好好锻炼自己更有自信生活。
只要未曾放弃，不断继续努力，即使结果不完美，但大家都已不知觉身处于缺陷美的状况里。人生的真谛，我个人认为，就是真正的完美并不完美。
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
2019-09-24
When I as a bipolar disorder people look at other bipolar disorder people's blogs, the main message would be, all the bipolar disorder people may have a happy and productive life as others. Does it really true?
Compared with bipolar disorder people, people without this mental illness are generally easier in looking for a life partner. In fact, I myself have been rejected again and again due to having this mental illness. It should be common by having friends all getting married but I haven't found my life partner yet. I have to look at those happy couples photos in my Facebook and Instagram, and they get married, and their cute little babies, and their little kids go to school and etc.
No one can judge they are doing the wrong things because they are sharing their happiness with their friends unselfishly. In another term, they are radiating positive energy via social media generously. In contrast, I don't have a life partner and no children. Most probably, I have to be single till the day I die. If being single is a shame, no life partner is a curse and no children is a disaster, then how can I be happy? No doubt, by having all these things are great blessings. However, all these things are not essential for living.
Yes, all these things seem unfair to bipolar disorder people. No doubt about it. People like to complain about their life partners and their children. In contrast, I have nothing to complain about these at all. My existence brings a clear message to those who love to complain, so that they may be cherish with what they have especially their life partners and children. At least they have something to complain about and this is a blessing.
So what do I want to bring out today? Romantic relationship is a blessing but it's not for everyone. Cherish if you have it but if you lack of it like me, then we have to carry on boldly. It's not a must and without it we can still survive.
When I as a bipolar disorder people look at other bipolar disorder people's blogs, the main message would be, all the bipolar disorder people may have a happy and productive life as others. Does it really true?
Compared with bipolar disorder people, people without this mental illness are generally easier in looking for a life partner. In fact, I myself have been rejected again and again due to having this mental illness. It should be common by having friends all getting married but I haven't found my life partner yet. I have to look at those happy couples photos in my Facebook and Instagram, and they get married, and their cute little babies, and their little kids go to school and etc.
No one can judge they are doing the wrong things because they are sharing their happiness with their friends unselfishly. In another term, they are radiating positive energy via social media generously. In contrast, I don't have a life partner and no children. Most probably, I have to be single till the day I die. If being single is a shame, no life partner is a curse and no children is a disaster, then how can I be happy? No doubt, by having all these things are great blessings. However, all these things are not essential for living.
Yes, all these things seem unfair to bipolar disorder people. No doubt about it. People like to complain about their life partners and their children. In contrast, I have nothing to complain about these at all. My existence brings a clear message to those who love to complain, so that they may be cherish with what they have especially their life partners and children. At least they have something to complain about and this is a blessing.
So what do I want to bring out today? Romantic relationship is a blessing but it's not for everyone. Cherish if you have it but if you lack of it like me, then we have to carry on boldly. It's not a must and without it we can still survive.
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