2019-10-09
No one likes to accept that they are having mental illness. It's really easy for us to accept other theories. What if, we are having something else, anything is OK as long as it's not mental illness. Yes, I truly wish the whole incident was a misdiagnosed only.
Unfortunately, it's pretty hard for me to be misdiagnosed. Five times breakdown, obviously it's pretty impossible to get into the category of misdiagnosis. Time is precious, and I'm not young anymore to take whatever possible risks. It was crazily hard to standup again for a single relapse. At the beginning, the medication was so heavy until I had to move like a zombie and couldn't speak properly. I had to tell myself numerous times that I would recover.
Yes, I have to admit that it was hard to take medication faithfully. Every time when I was slightly OK, I would think that I should stop my medication. You may see that I was so stubborn in rejecting my mental status until I could breakdown for 5 times. It was hurt, ridiculously painful and suffering journey to live a normal life again. Hence, I need to take note that I should never stop taking my medication.
Recently, I found out myself might be an empath. Some people say bipolar disorder people's empathetic level is generally low. Some people say some empaths have been misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder. For me, the feeling is too much. Let say, I'm an empath. And then, how to manage? Leaving this busy city, get myself away from people, be in the natural most of the time, having more self time... Yes, rich people can do all these things but I'm just an average income people.
What I wanna say today is, if we can get away from mental illness labeling, we may surely do it. There are so many theories and sayings about this, as an average income people, it's advisable to take medication rather than trying all sorts of different ways.
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
2019-10-08
生活确实不容易，要面对的问题也层出不穷。很多时候很想逃亡，因为要面对一切总须要很大的勇气。运动是个很好的心灵陶造的方法，透过运动可以提升病患者的意志力和信心。
小的时候，会羡慕参加马拉松或铁人三赛的选手，根本不曾想象自己可以成为他们的一分子。在机缘巧合之下，遇到某个在这方面的专家。感激他给予我所有的指教，让我有机会参与这些比赛。当时的自己放弃服药，在精力旺盛的状态下发挥得相当不错。
后来面对感情的纠纷，与第二任女友脱离关系后，不幸再次陷入精神崩溃。一次次认为自己有能力不靠药物生活，但是当面对棘手的问题时，无奈一次次地陷入崩溃，所以只好乖乖听话天天按时服药。服药后身体状况不胜以往，体力跟不服药时有了很大的差距。最明显的例子，就是以往骑脚车能紧紧跟随在这专家的身后，但开始服药后就再也无法跟在他身后。
不想放弃，以致自己不断默默操练自己。后来随着这专家参加了铁人三赛、脚车比赛、半马拉松比赛等等。老实说，虽然每项比赛都成功完成，但是成绩都不怎么理想。可是没有关系，最重要的事情，是自己尽了力。在这过程中，可以好好锻炼自己更有自信生活。
只要未曾放弃，不断继续努力，即使结果不完美，但大家都已不知觉身处于缺陷美的状况里。人生的真谛，我个人认为，就是真正的完美并不完美。
生活确实不容易，要面对的问题也层出不穷。很多时候很想逃亡，因为要面对一切总须要很大的勇气。运动是个很好的心灵陶造的方法，透过运动可以提升病患者的意志力和信心。
小的时候，会羡慕参加马拉松或铁人三赛的选手，根本不曾想象自己可以成为他们的一分子。在机缘巧合之下，遇到某个在这方面的专家。感激他给予我所有的指教，让我有机会参与这些比赛。当时的自己放弃服药，在精力旺盛的状态下发挥得相当不错。
后来面对感情的纠纷，与第二任女友脱离关系后，不幸再次陷入精神崩溃。一次次认为自己有能力不靠药物生活，但是当面对棘手的问题时，无奈一次次地陷入崩溃，所以只好乖乖听话天天按时服药。服药后身体状况不胜以往，体力跟不服药时有了很大的差距。最明显的例子，就是以往骑脚车能紧紧跟随在这专家的身后，但开始服药后就再也无法跟在他身后。
不想放弃，以致自己不断默默操练自己。后来随着这专家参加了铁人三赛、脚车比赛、半马拉松比赛等等。老实说，虽然每项比赛都成功完成，但是成绩都不怎么理想。可是没有关系，最重要的事情，是自己尽了力。在这过程中，可以好好锻炼自己更有自信生活。
只要未曾放弃，不断继续努力，即使结果不完美，但大家都已不知觉身处于缺陷美的状况里。人生的真谛，我个人认为，就是真正的完美并不完美。
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
2019-09-24
When I as a bipolar disorder people look at other bipolar disorder people's blogs, the main message would be, all the bipolar disorder people may have a happy and productive life as others. Does it really true?
Compared with bipolar disorder people, people without this mental illness are generally easier in looking for a life partner. In fact, I myself have been rejected again and again due to having this mental illness. It should be common by having friends all getting married but I haven't found my life partner yet. I have to look at those happy couples photos in my Facebook and Instagram, and they get married, and their cute little babies, and their little kids go to school and etc.
No one can judge they are doing the wrong things because they are sharing their happiness with their friends unselfishly. In another term, they are radiating positive energy via social media generously. In contrast, I don't have a life partner and no children. Most probably, I have to be single till the day I die. If being single is a shame, no life partner is a curse and no children is a disaster, then how can I be happy? No doubt, by having all these things are great blessings. However, all these things are not essential for living.
Yes, all these things seem unfair to bipolar disorder people. No doubt about it. People like to complain about their life partners and their children. In contrast, I have nothing to complain about these at all. My existence brings a clear message to those who love to complain, so that they may be cherish with what they have especially their life partners and children. At least they have something to complain about and this is a blessing.
So what do I want to bring out today? Romantic relationship is a blessing but it's not for everyone. Cherish if you have it but if you lack of it like me, then we have to carry on boldly. It's not a must and without it we can still survive.
When I as a bipolar disorder people look at other bipolar disorder people's blogs, the main message would be, all the bipolar disorder people may have a happy and productive life as others. Does it really true?
Compared with bipolar disorder people, people without this mental illness are generally easier in looking for a life partner. In fact, I myself have been rejected again and again due to having this mental illness. It should be common by having friends all getting married but I haven't found my life partner yet. I have to look at those happy couples photos in my Facebook and Instagram, and they get married, and their cute little babies, and their little kids go to school and etc.
No one can judge they are doing the wrong things because they are sharing their happiness with their friends unselfishly. In another term, they are radiating positive energy via social media generously. In contrast, I don't have a life partner and no children. Most probably, I have to be single till the day I die. If being single is a shame, no life partner is a curse and no children is a disaster, then how can I be happy? No doubt, by having all these things are great blessings. However, all these things are not essential for living.
Yes, all these things seem unfair to bipolar disorder people. No doubt about it. People like to complain about their life partners and their children. In contrast, I have nothing to complain about these at all. My existence brings a clear message to those who love to complain, so that they may be cherish with what they have especially their life partners and children. At least they have something to complain about and this is a blessing.
So what do I want to bring out today? Romantic relationship is a blessing but it's not for everyone. Cherish if you have it but if you lack of it like me, then we have to carry on boldly. It's not a must and without it we can still survive.
Monday, September 23, 2019
2019-09-23
对不起，那么迟才写这篇信息。之前都一直在处理着内心种种的繁杂思绪，好像怎么尽力都在原地打转，但是那份坚持还是值得鼓舞。
是的，坚持很重要，那种单纯的坚持，那种不变的赤子之心。一切看来都稳定了，而接下来就是往前移动。错过了很多时间，也错过了不少人和事物。人群来来往往的，一会儿在身边，一霎时又不知道去了何处。很想抓牢，抓住每一份美好的时光，幼稚地以为一切始终如一。结果是，没有任何人和事物可以抓牢，匆匆地消失在时间的洪流里。闭上眼，给予深深的祝福，祈求他们都过得很好。
除了坚持，放手也同样重要，好让内心不会太拥挤。尽了力，仍然失败的，要学会释怀。这么做不是放弃，而是懂得释怀自己。所有的挫败，不美好的回忆，破裂的人际关系，这一切一切都要学会放手。没有人是完美的，更何况拥有永久精神问题的我，必需学会原谅他人。
坚持和放手，这两个理念犹如火和水。该坚持的时候坚持；该放手的时候放手。怎么拿捏？怎么抉择？对于这方面，确实需要很大的智慧。简单来说，先坚持做好一切，但当事物已不在自己能力范围之内的时候，我们就要学会把它放下。这些想法是我最近的领悟。
对不起，那么迟才写这篇信息。之前都一直在处理着内心种种的繁杂思绪，好像怎么尽力都在原地打转，但是那份坚持还是值得鼓舞。
是的，坚持很重要，那种单纯的坚持，那种不变的赤子之心。一切看来都稳定了，而接下来就是往前移动。错过了很多时间，也错过了不少人和事物。人群来来往往的，一会儿在身边，一霎时又不知道去了何处。很想抓牢，抓住每一份美好的时光，幼稚地以为一切始终如一。结果是，没有任何人和事物可以抓牢，匆匆地消失在时间的洪流里。闭上眼，给予深深的祝福，祈求他们都过得很好。
除了坚持，放手也同样重要，好让内心不会太拥挤。尽了力，仍然失败的，要学会释怀。这么做不是放弃，而是懂得释怀自己。所有的挫败，不美好的回忆，破裂的人际关系，这一切一切都要学会放手。没有人是完美的，更何况拥有永久精神问题的我，必需学会原谅他人。
坚持和放手，这两个理念犹如火和水。该坚持的时候坚持；该放手的时候放手。怎么拿捏？怎么抉择？对于这方面，确实需要很大的智慧。简单来说，先坚持做好一切，但当事物已不在自己能力范围之内的时候，我们就要学会把它放下。这些想法是我最近的领悟。
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
2019-07-16
It's not easy to be a human being, and it's definitely harder to be a people with bipolar disorder. We look perfectly normal outside but we are struggling terribly with our moods inside.
People might think, as long as we are on medication obediently, then we would be fine and have a normal life as others. Yes, this sounds really good and I cannot say no. The fact is, sometimes, I'm still struggling with roaring moods inside. At the moment, I'm fighting with a long lasting depressed mood. Emotionally exhausted all the time, and I really hope that there is an off button on me so that I can press the button and turn myself off entirely.
It's ridiculously painful inside and I have no ways to ease the pain. The painful feeling remains for a long time days and nights. No way to run, no way to escape. Perseverance, yes, practising perseverance during this terrible moment. Negative thoughts will always be with me, doing their best to destroy my believes. Believe I can have a fruitful life, believe I can have a cheerful life, believe I can do great things...... All these believes would be vanished into the thin air.
How to go through? How to survive? Sadly, I have no idea, I have no solution. I only know one thing, I must go on. Yes, this is the only thing I know. No matter what, no matter how, I must go on!
It's not easy to be a human being, and it's definitely harder to be a people with bipolar disorder. We look perfectly normal outside but we are struggling terribly with our moods inside.
People might think, as long as we are on medication obediently, then we would be fine and have a normal life as others. Yes, this sounds really good and I cannot say no. The fact is, sometimes, I'm still struggling with roaring moods inside. At the moment, I'm fighting with a long lasting depressed mood. Emotionally exhausted all the time, and I really hope that there is an off button on me so that I can press the button and turn myself off entirely.
It's ridiculously painful inside and I have no ways to ease the pain. The painful feeling remains for a long time days and nights. No way to run, no way to escape. Perseverance, yes, practising perseverance during this terrible moment. Negative thoughts will always be with me, doing their best to destroy my believes. Believe I can have a fruitful life, believe I can have a cheerful life, believe I can do great things...... All these believes would be vanished into the thin air.
How to go through? How to survive? Sadly, I have no idea, I have no solution. I only know one thing, I must go on. Yes, this is the only thing I know. No matter what, no matter how, I must go on!
Monday, July 15, 2019
2019-07-15
心情很糟，也很失落，不想向任何人宣泄，唯有把思绪写在这里。
其实我真的想要活得积极和正面，渴望把好的信息和能量散发出去，可是却被困在情绪混乱的死局里。定时服药、早睡早起、多多运动、控制饮食、尽力工作、参与人群……怎么好像都不够？
会觉得不舒服，感到不自觉地疲惫，当然还有那恼人与难以形容精神上的疼痛。如果我不说，没有人会察觉，因为外在保持得如此正常。没有意思要假装，只是希望每天的规律作息可以继续下去。
哭？没有哭泣的对象。诉苦？没有人会理解。看医生？我不想增加药量。唯一的出路，是一步一步慢慢走。心里默默地相信，这一切将会过去，纵然目前看来几乎不太可能。
在脸书上看到他人成双成对到结婚生子，心里肯定非常羡慕，给予祝福后不敢对此有一丝的奢望。是的，我比不上这些人士，近乎没有可能获得幸福。没关系的，至少我努力地活着。
心情很糟，也很失落，不想向任何人宣泄，唯有把思绪写在这里。
其实我真的想要活得积极和正面，渴望把好的信息和能量散发出去，可是却被困在情绪混乱的死局里。定时服药、早睡早起、多多运动、控制饮食、尽力工作、参与人群……怎么好像都不够？
会觉得不舒服，感到不自觉地疲惫，当然还有那恼人与难以形容精神上的疼痛。如果我不说，没有人会察觉，因为外在保持得如此正常。没有意思要假装，只是希望每天的规律作息可以继续下去。
哭？没有哭泣的对象。诉苦？没有人会理解。看医生？我不想增加药量。唯一的出路，是一步一步慢慢走。心里默默地相信，这一切将会过去，纵然目前看来几乎不太可能。
在脸书上看到他人成双成对到结婚生子，心里肯定非常羡慕，给予祝福后不敢对此有一丝的奢望。是的，我比不上这些人士，近乎没有可能获得幸福。没关系的，至少我努力地活着。
Friday, January 4, 2019
2019-01-04
When everything has been settled down, and when my mental health becomes stable for a long time, I have to face the feeling of boredom undoubtedly. Anyway, I will not try to stop my medication whatsoever.
The fact is, my brain cannot function as fast as before, the time when I did not take medication. Another fact is, I always feel a bit tired. Strangely that my psychiatrist told me that this is good for me so that I would not do things wildly. I love to exercise, this side effect slows down my performance but I still keep on exercising. Luckily I'm not an athlete, thus I do not need to worry about my performance. Due to my brain issue, it does effect my ability in learning. Anyhow, I just take more time to learn.
Learn to be a turtle, slow and steady moving forwards. It really needs lots of perseverance but slow to reach the target is always much better than never reach it due to mentally breakdown. As for a love relationship, other people same age with me already got married and with children, it's okay for me because most probably I just have to wait for a little longer. Even if I eventually fail to have a love relationship, it's still fine for me because I have tried.
When everything has been settled down, and when my mental health becomes stable for a long time, I have to face the feeling of boredom undoubtedly. Anyway, I will not try to stop my medication whatsoever.
The fact is, my brain cannot function as fast as before, the time when I did not take medication. Another fact is, I always feel a bit tired. Strangely that my psychiatrist told me that this is good for me so that I would not do things wildly. I love to exercise, this side effect slows down my performance but I still keep on exercising. Luckily I'm not an athlete, thus I do not need to worry about my performance. Due to my brain issue, it does effect my ability in learning. Anyhow, I just take more time to learn.
Learn to be a turtle, slow and steady moving forwards. It really needs lots of perseverance but slow to reach the target is always much better than never reach it due to mentally breakdown. As for a love relationship, other people same age with me already got married and with children, it's okay for me because most probably I just have to wait for a little longer. Even if I eventually fail to have a love relationship, it's still fine for me because I have tried.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)