2018-08-03
The only side effect of my medication is feeling a bit tired. Actually I was very energetic before taking medication. By having medication, I'm no longer a super human.
This should be the correct mindset, I just want to be a normal guy. Before taking medication, I was in manic state most of the time, super energetic and my mind working extraordinary fast. The problem was, if I faced a problem and I couldn't solve it, I would easily lose my mind. Thus, it is much better for me to slow down.
It's true that I did feel good to stay in manic state. However, it's a disaster once I lose my mind. My relationships had been ruined by my craziness and my career was almost gone. Hence, I'm willing to take my medication and have a normal life.
Friday, August 3, 2018
Friday, June 8, 2018
2018-06-08
It's crucial to have the right medication and family support, so that bipolar disorder patients can have a normal life again. When such an illness strikes you, all your friends will stay away. Most probably, they do not know how to help you.
I have such an illness for so many years. As time goes by, my friends become lesser and lesser. Actually I really want to hang out with them, having good times with friends already became my memories. Once I have such an illness, I felt like being pulled into another world. No matter how well I try to describe such a world to my friends, they can never understand. The main problem is, I cannot return to the ordinary world anymore. Eventually, all of my old friends stay away from me, perhaps they say I am the one who stays away from them.
Even I can stand up again, having a permanent job, and exercise regularly, my perspective can never be the same as the rest of other people. That's the reason why I hardly click with any people. I'm blessed that my parents and siblings are with me no matter what. Bipolar disorder patient is a weirdo in the eyes of the world. How can we stay in harmony with other people? I think, we need respect and acceptance from the world. We never choose to be bipolar disorder patients. We can never prevent our weird actions and thoughts by will.
Everyone, no matter who, once they have been born into this world, they have the right to live. Yes, we have the right to live.
2018-06-08
要好好维持一个部落格，老实说，真的不容易。曾经有个伟大的抱负，希望可以凭着自己的经历，去鼓励其他跟我一样得到躁郁症的朋友。在这世界上的躁郁症病患者的人数不少，但是可以跟一般人正常生活的人数却少之又少。
根据个人的经验，躁郁症病患者可以重新回到正常人的生活，总结来说有两个很重要的因素。第一、适合自己的药物。第二、家人不离不弃的支持。很幸运的，我刚好拥有这两大因素。去年九月再次入院，主要原因是当时服用不适合自己的药物。精神科医生帮我换了药后，那种药很适合自己，好让自己能迅速回到工作岗位。之前的药物会导致自己越来越肥胖，似乎怎么运动都没有用。最辛苦的是，情绪长期陷入低潮，做什么事都没有信心。心情一直处于沮丧的状态，生活会逐渐失去意义。为了避免自己会精神崩溃，我自愿在精神病院待一段时间。希望那一次，是最后一次待在精神病院。
有了这样的病后，身旁近乎没有朋友。我相信，主要的原因，是没有人知道要怎么样去帮助精神病患者。不要说正常人，即使自己本身有这样的病，同样不懂得怎么样去照顾和关怀其他的躁郁症病患者。躁郁症病患者很多样化，适合在我身上的东西，并不一定适合其他的病患者。举个例子，适合我的药物，不一定适合在其他的病患身上。医生不鼓励精神病患者常常跟其他的精神病患者接触，我猜想，是因为不要状况稳定了的精神病患者，因受到刺激而变成不稳定吧。感到欣慰的，是父母亲一直不离不弃地待在我身边。他们当然不懂得怎么做，可是有他们的陪伴，路多么难走都愿意走下去。
渴望有一天，我这成功的案例可以鼓励许许多多的躁郁症病患者。无论如何，一定要好好地生活下去。但愿我的状态能安安稳稳，然后可以扶持其他的病患者，成为他们的朋友。若不是父母的陪伴，还有家人精神上的支持，我真的会感到很孤单。除了家人，很希望有很多很多的朋友。
要好好维持一个部落格，老实说，真的不容易。曾经有个伟大的抱负，希望可以凭着自己的经历，去鼓励其他跟我一样得到躁郁症的朋友。在这世界上的躁郁症病患者的人数不少，但是可以跟一般人正常生活的人数却少之又少。
根据个人的经验，躁郁症病患者可以重新回到正常人的生活，总结来说有两个很重要的因素。第一、适合自己的药物。第二、家人不离不弃的支持。很幸运的，我刚好拥有这两大因素。去年九月再次入院，主要原因是当时服用不适合自己的药物。精神科医生帮我换了药后，那种药很适合自己，好让自己能迅速回到工作岗位。之前的药物会导致自己越来越肥胖，似乎怎么运动都没有用。最辛苦的是，情绪长期陷入低潮，做什么事都没有信心。心情一直处于沮丧的状态，生活会逐渐失去意义。为了避免自己会精神崩溃，我自愿在精神病院待一段时间。希望那一次，是最后一次待在精神病院。
有了这样的病后，身旁近乎没有朋友。我相信，主要的原因，是没有人知道要怎么样去帮助精神病患者。不要说正常人，即使自己本身有这样的病，同样不懂得怎么样去照顾和关怀其他的躁郁症病患者。躁郁症病患者很多样化，适合在我身上的东西，并不一定适合其他的病患者。举个例子，适合我的药物，不一定适合在其他的病患身上。医生不鼓励精神病患者常常跟其他的精神病患者接触，我猜想，是因为不要状况稳定了的精神病患者，因受到刺激而变成不稳定吧。感到欣慰的，是父母亲一直不离不弃地待在我身边。他们当然不懂得怎么做，可是有他们的陪伴，路多么难走都愿意走下去。
渴望有一天，我这成功的案例可以鼓励许许多多的躁郁症病患者。无论如何，一定要好好地生活下去。但愿我的状态能安安稳稳，然后可以扶持其他的病患者，成为他们的朋友。若不是父母的陪伴，还有家人精神上的支持，我真的会感到很孤单。除了家人，很希望有很多很多的朋友。
Friday, February 16, 2018
2018-02-16
It's Chinese New Year today, and I went back to my mother's hometown in Johore. It's fun to meet all my relatives because most probably I'd only meet them once a year. Thankfully they no longer ask me when will I get a girlfriend. I'm really getting older and older, so it's okay for me to stay single.
I cannot imagine if my parents pass away, will I come back to Johore once a year again? The fact is I am single but my parents are still by my side. If my parents are no longer by my side, I'll be totally on my own. What will be my life to be all by myself alone? That's why everyone thinks it's better to find a lover. However, if I cannot find a lover? I really don't want to simply grab someone and be my lifelong partner. If I cannot find a partner, I would rather stay alone by myself.
Generally, people cannot accept someone with mental health problems. They will accept them to be their colleagues or neighbours but surely not their close friends or lovers. Maybe there are people accept us but not many. Actually I don't really care about it. If no one wants to accept me, I still want to do something which can contribute to the society.
It's Chinese New Year today, and I went back to my mother's hometown in Johore. It's fun to meet all my relatives because most probably I'd only meet them once a year. Thankfully they no longer ask me when will I get a girlfriend. I'm really getting older and older, so it's okay for me to stay single.
I cannot imagine if my parents pass away, will I come back to Johore once a year again? The fact is I am single but my parents are still by my side. If my parents are no longer by my side, I'll be totally on my own. What will be my life to be all by myself alone? That's why everyone thinks it's better to find a lover. However, if I cannot find a lover? I really don't want to simply grab someone and be my lifelong partner. If I cannot find a partner, I would rather stay alone by myself.
Generally, people cannot accept someone with mental health problems. They will accept them to be their colleagues or neighbours but surely not their close friends or lovers. Maybe there are people accept us but not many. Actually I don't really care about it. If no one wants to accept me, I still want to do something which can contribute to the society.
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
2018-02-14
度过了无数次没有情人的情人节，可是一旦碰到情人节，心里还是会感到不舒服。虽然曾经有两个短暂的恋情，可是都因为太短暂而没有机会庆祝情人节。
去年十月换了药后，情绪都算满稳定的一直到今天。当一切稳定的时候，都会思考很多问题，包括人生的意义。不知道是否要保持单身一辈子，毕竟已习惯没有女朋友在身边。有情人是好事，但没有情人也不算坏事。亲朋戚友们，他们都不再问我为何不要找个女朋友这样的问题。当父母亲不在的时候，我就要一个人好好地生活。
最近一直感觉疲倦，意志也有点消沉。努力着振作起来，却会感到痛苦。只好放轻松去面对，坚持把每天须要完成的事情做好，即使有些许不舒服，也不要选择逃避。这有点不舒服的感觉，怎么逃也逃不了，像个怪兽日夜不断地咬着我的心。
经历太多次的精神崩溃，我不敢再次胡乱停止服药。朋友介绍我一位不错的精神科医生，他允许病患逐渐停止服药，那么我也要去看看他。真的不想吃药吃一辈子，因为任何的精神病药物都有许多的副作用，不想身体因长期服用药物而受损。
度过了无数次没有情人的情人节，可是一旦碰到情人节，心里还是会感到不舒服。虽然曾经有两个短暂的恋情，可是都因为太短暂而没有机会庆祝情人节。
去年十月换了药后，情绪都算满稳定的一直到今天。当一切稳定的时候，都会思考很多问题，包括人生的意义。不知道是否要保持单身一辈子，毕竟已习惯没有女朋友在身边。有情人是好事，但没有情人也不算坏事。亲朋戚友们，他们都不再问我为何不要找个女朋友这样的问题。当父母亲不在的时候，我就要一个人好好地生活。
最近一直感觉疲倦，意志也有点消沉。努力着振作起来，却会感到痛苦。只好放轻松去面对，坚持把每天须要完成的事情做好，即使有些许不舒服，也不要选择逃避。这有点不舒服的感觉，怎么逃也逃不了，像个怪兽日夜不断地咬着我的心。
经历太多次的精神崩溃，我不敢再次胡乱停止服药。朋友介绍我一位不错的精神科医生，他允许病患逐渐停止服药，那么我也要去看看他。真的不想吃药吃一辈子，因为任何的精神病药物都有许多的副作用，不想身体因长期服用药物而受损。
Friday, February 2, 2018
2018-02-02
Just wrote an email to my ex lecturer in the UK. He is the best lecturer in my heart. He asked me to write him emails whenever I want to voice up something. He has so many emails every day, but he would still read and reply my emails.
The medication has caused me to feel tired, and I don't like this kind of fatigue feeling. While feeling tired, I also feel hopeless. It's like, no energy to do whatsoever and wanna close my eyes and sleep. Last time I had dreams to move on and on. Now I want to have some new dreams to motivate myself.
Bipolar disorder has undoubtedly ruined my life. My dreams, relationships, career advancement and others have been demolished by my mental illness. How to have my life back? No wonder the suicidal rate is so high for people who have this mental illness.
Anyhow, this is not the end yet. There must be a way for us. I will keep standing and fight for a better life. Having this illness is not my fault, and there must be a better way to overcome all these problems.
Just wrote an email to my ex lecturer in the UK. He is the best lecturer in my heart. He asked me to write him emails whenever I want to voice up something. He has so many emails every day, but he would still read and reply my emails.
The medication has caused me to feel tired, and I don't like this kind of fatigue feeling. While feeling tired, I also feel hopeless. It's like, no energy to do whatsoever and wanna close my eyes and sleep. Last time I had dreams to move on and on. Now I want to have some new dreams to motivate myself.
Bipolar disorder has undoubtedly ruined my life. My dreams, relationships, career advancement and others have been demolished by my mental illness. How to have my life back? No wonder the suicidal rate is so high for people who have this mental illness.
Anyhow, this is not the end yet. There must be a way for us. I will keep standing and fight for a better life. Having this illness is not my fault, and there must be a better way to overcome all these problems.
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