2018-01-23

非常开心有人看我的部落格，还以为写的东西已经没有人要看了。这匿名的部落格，算是我对躁郁症或双相情感障碍的想法。

精神病药物最令人懊恼的问题就是肥胖。我之前的药物让我的体重从七十多公斤变成八十多公斤。现在去年十月换了药，体重没有继续上升。不过到如今，依然没有办法瘦回七十多公斤。一个礼拜运动三天，所吃的分量也很注意，其实吃得比之前七十多公斤的时候还要少，不过却似乎无法减重。上网查询后，才明白那是因为精神病药物缓慢了体内的新陈代谢。

另一个问题是晕眩，少少头晕，长时间要忍受这不舒服的感觉。不喜欢有这晕眩的感觉，虽然不至于严重得影响驾驶和行动，但是会让心情不好受。往往会以为那是因为身体疲倦，歇了一会儿后头还是会觉得晕。紧接着的问题是思想缓慢，无论面对任何问题都会反应不过来。往往会不知觉愣住，整个脑袋好像很容易就卡住。

如果可以，我想停止服用任何精神病药物。现在学习着对任何事情都不要太介怀，更要学会怎么放手。希望随着年龄的增长，可以领悟更多事情，也可以有智慧去面对我的精神病。

2017-12-27

I went to Cameron Highlands with my parents on Christmas. It was a two days one night trip. We stayed at a hotel at Brinchang and it was hard to find a car park around there.

Nevertheless, the trip was quite enjoyable. Thanks for waze because we may go to wherever we like by using it. And then, I always have to remember to bring along my medication wherever I go. Frankly speaking, I still prefer not to take medication but I have no choice.

There were so many people and cars at Cameron Highlands during holiday season. Thankfully, the weather was perfect during those 2 days. During those 2 days, the weather was cloudy but not rainy. We went to a number of attractions and took lots of pictures.

While driving back home, I had a conversation with my dad. I asked, how come I could get good results while studying but could not have a good achievement for my career? My dad answered, it is due to my mental health problem and I do not have the ability for improvement. I will do the same thing again and again without thinking for ways to do it better. Sigh...  This is true.

Anyway, my dad advised me to do whatever I can cheerfully. Never compete with other people for a post which I do not have the ability. I'm blessed for having good parents who love me and accept me wholeheartedly.

2017-12-22

冬至到了，放工回家就可以吃汤圆。由于下个星期一是圣诞节，加上星期二和星期三请了假，所以今天根本没有心情工作。

虽然没有清完今年的年假，但是今年已请了三四个月的病假，所以我也不好意思用尽法子清完今年的年假。公司对我非常好，即使病了那么久还是照样发薪水给我，那么就不应该斤斤计较。

今年最感恩的事，就是能保住这份工作。曾经心情低潮长达半年期间，非常想辞去这份工作，然后另外找份比较简单的工作。幸好医生开给我抗忧郁的药，让我重新获得信心面对工作。

心情长期低潮会令人感到万般难受，很多人因为承受不住而自寻死路。当时我很担心会精神崩溃，才哀求父母把我送进医院。那些日子真的不堪回首，欣慰这一切已经过去。

但愿思绪会继续保持平稳，还有一个清晰灵巧的脑袋来学习工作上新的事物。若有机会的话，也希望可以找到一个伴侣。

2017-12-14

All these days I am feeling tired. I don't feel depressed but only tired. Agomelatine that I take every night does boast up my mood. But don't know why I feel tired for the whole day.

Don't like this tired feeling. I suspect at the moment I'm in the state of depression. Agomelatine boasts up my mood but it cannot make me full of energy. Hopefully this kind of tired feeling ends as soon as possible. Christmas is at the corner, and I want to celebrate it cheerfully with my parents.

Everthing will be fine. I have to remind myself about it again and again.

2017-12-09

思绪混乱了很长的时间。去年的十月二十八日精神崩溃，过后今年一月多因举止太不正常而被警察送进医院。在医院住了大约一个月，然后在疗养院呆了两个月，才回到工作岗位。可是情绪一直处于忧郁状况，半年后因害怕情绪会崩溃而再次入院。医生帮我换了药，又开了抗忧郁的药给我。精神状况，算是今年的十月多才稳定下来。

以前的我，总是相信自己不必服药也无所谓。因为这样，必需承担精神崩溃的结果。精神崩溃后，要再次爬起来，真的很辛苦！若不是有疼爱我的家人和朋友们在身旁，要重新站起来的过程会更加艰辛。这一次，我不会停止服药。虽然我还是不情愿服药，但是必需定时服药。

精神崩溃了多少次？算不清了，大约有七八次吧。这一次要好好生活下去，不要让自己再次出问题。一定要振作起来！

2017-12-05

So sorry, I was not feeling well for a long time. It was better for me to keep quiet rather than keep on writing when I was not feeling well.

So, the fact is, I have to take medication for life. Before that, I had faith that I could live my life without medication. Currently, I am taking lithium carbonate and agomelatine. Before these 2 medicines, I was taking epilim for a long time. The main side effect for epilim is weight gain. Unfortunately, I have gained 10 kgs due to epilim. Although I have changed my medication, but for time being, I cannot lose all the weights.

Another problem for taking epilim was, I was feeling depressed for more than half a year. Agomelatine is an anti-depressant. It does help boast up my mood. Without it, I think it is hard for me to keep my career.

All right, that's all for today. I'll continue to write more in future. Bye.

2016-10-18

有时候连我自己也迷糊了，到底还应不应该继续写这部落格。过着正常的生活：规律的作息、稳定的工作、坚持常常运动、与人融洽交往等等。有位在新加坡的亲戚，她不断告诉我：“你很正常，我根本看不出你有什么问题。或许我会怀疑丈夫和儿子有精神问题，但死都不相信你有问题。如果你不告诉任何人，没有人会察觉到。”

这可爱的亲戚，她的言词不时会令人捧腹大笑。当然这是她的看法，若长久与我一起，还是会察觉一丁点儿的小问题。不过如今的生活，压力实在是太大了，导致人人都有某种程度方面的情绪问题。相信一般人都要学习如何掌管自己的情绪，而患有这情绪疾病的我，肯定要比他人更加勤劳好好掌控。因着科技神速飞跃，一日千里的高科技，让处于科技领域的群众都感到莫名的大压力。在这科技领域里，人人都要不停学习。假如懒惰不愿学习，只要超过了一年，其他人都跑到你前面去。倘若依然故我，再过几年，那人在他的岗位就变得可有可无。

由于心灵方面的空虚，往往会拿物质去把它填满，可是这是物质永远填不满的空洞，只会越填越深深体会内心的孤寂。这只有爱才可以填满，唯有爱才能治疗的疼痛。若你想他人怎么对待你，那么你就用同样的方式去对待他人。这是我们听到再熟悉不过的道理，但事实并非如此简单。为何？因为人人都是独特的，你所喜爱的东西，另一个人未必会喜欢。打个比方，我很喜欢拥抱他人，无论是男人还是女人，都喜欢给他们大大的拥抱。问题来了。其他人未必都喜欢拥抱他人或被他人拥抱，有些人甚至还感到极度憎恶。但有一样还是挺准确的，那就是人人都需要被他人关心。所以你必需先了解他人，真正了解他，过后才可以用他喜爱的方式去对待他。

学习关心他人，他人也会来关心你。那么那在心灵的空虚，才可以慢慢被他人的关爱而渐渐填满了。